Some people have asked me how I started my weight loss. My first few months in the blog archive explain it all.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

What's In A Name?

I would like to excommunicate google from Blogger.

I felt I had a Clark Kent thing going

When setting up a new blog for my missionary son Blogger showed me a orange button portal to click.  That is evil.

Do not touch.

Do not click.

This portal joins your profile/gmail/youtube/picasa/calendar/ android/and contacts and then invites everyone to circles - And reveals your blogs - and uncovers your alter-ego.

Complaining about this may make me look like a paranoid loon - because I went willingly into that dark night but unless you have a google degree how can one navigate this cray cray world?

Google BigBrother wants to out me as  human.  I would rather they didn't. Under my real name, I would rather like to be viewed to those I must interact in person with this way: 

*press release*
During the forty five years of life I have lead - as Celinda- I

ALWAYS am a devotee of fitness and heath
ALWAYS have a perfect marriage and family
ALWAYS have perfect happiness and live with JOY 
and do greatly ALLTHETHINGS 





and 45 - ?  *psh* did I say I was 45? I am ageless and the body I have is not old at all - that is a weird illusion/feeling that happens if I run too fast and things start jiggling- but neveryoumind.  AND 

To bloggers I can secretly tell you - *pssst*

My soul delights in fattness - and the challenge I'm facing right now?

I developed Restless Leg.  That is where you  are all 

"goodnight moon..." and My legs are all "...Gotta Keep On Dancin...Dancin..Dance the night away!!" 

I started a med that will help me with that -

But I gained 10plus lbs instantly - so the war we will wage again.  - I'm about to go on the treadmill.  Still hate it.  My natural man is still an enemy to my waist

Settle down appendages. Settle down...

wanna join me?  I refuse to buy this size.  



Thursday, May 9, 2013


AND I'M STARTING A NEW BLOG!!!  My first son entered the MTC and I've decided to take hand to keyboard and blog.  I hope to feed both blogs... I 'm excited!  My Brain is grumpy for not being used for so long...and its revving up its engines!  

Oh please please come to my house and make my blog look cool and I will babysit for you pleaseohpleaseohplease.  You have youth, technology, talent and patience on your side.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


Here is inspiration


I have a sis we call carrot jello. She is a riot and an anchor in so many peoples lives. (A funny anchor woman -the world needs more of those).

She comes to my house all dressed up now, wearing perfume and curls in her hair. She is sporting a new attitude, and I see a confidence in her eyes. She is going to beat our families predisposition to put food first, and it will be inspiring for everyone! She has now decided to join weight watchers and make some changes. She is sooo funny and is going to blog her progress on a blog called tossing my cookies.

Weight loss blogging is like reality tv. It is way more fun to watch in real time. Carrot is reality tv at its finest. I'm just sad old reruns! Join me in cheering her on.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Aim for the grass baby!

Carrot came over and let me know I am going crazy in the spelling dept.

Ironically I represented my 4th grade class in the all school spelling bee. I was once that good. I went down on receive.

Blogging on my little g1 phone is like driving a pinto amongst Mercedes. The screen is so little I can't spell check with out much grief. This is strangely theraputic.

For perfectionists like me there can be truly "too much of a good thing." Making mistakes in public is good therapy, it helps my overactive worrying self understand that the world will not end if I am not perfect.

More than a few perfectionists I know just wont set new goals because perfection is so hard to obtain. Perfection is a ball and chain tied to your leg while you teeter over water on a bridge which you are clinging onto with one finger.

Be mediocre and see what happens,

Medium to some is a healthy goal.

This applies to me in my weight loss.

An example. At my heaviest, I made several attempts to lose weight by setting my goal impossibly high.

One time I stated that "I will not eat sugar or chocolate for a year" I said that out loud to my family and friends. Just like you read you should in a magazine.

In the car 2 hours later my son offered me a bag of Dove chocolates. In my sugar lust, I forgot and ate one. I was teased about the broken resolution and then I surrendered.

No, I did not happily "pick myself up, brush myself off and start all over again" I grabbed the bag, claimed it was a stupid goal and that I didn't care and ate every single chocolate by myself! Ha I showed them I didn't care!" (whoever I was showing I am sure was unimpressed.)

"Shoot for the moon and get the stars" implies that you are the kind of person that sets impossibly high goals and then merrily basks in failure realizing that you although a loser, are so much better off than before.

If I shoot to lose 100 lbs in 6 months time and lose only 2 lbs the first week, I give up, resign in abject failure and go eat a polish sausage.

Pick realistic goals and be happy.



"shoot for the moon..."


"Aim for the grass, and at the end of the day you will be out of the dirt."

And tomorrow will take care of itself....

Monday, January 18, 2010

things I know...

I have a crazy memory. It's a bit like rainman...10% as good, but just as annoying, really random and to some a wee bit scary.

I have quotes and poetry sitting in my head from the 70s on up. I can quote sing the entire Tab commercial for you. I can quote an obscure commericial for a cereal called Raisins Rice and Rye. "B'gosh B'gum B'golly..."

When I was 14 I went to a youth conference and learned a poem;


While it plays well to a crowd of teenagers, I now know It is only partly true. Fate happens, sometimes the chance card I draw sends me to jail and doesn't let me pass go or collect $200 no matter how determined I am.

I do know that determination paired with patience, cleverness and introspecton can get me through everything..

Thanks to life experience I KNOW having a hysterectomy sucks. It has taken so much away from me this past month. I have all the determination in the world, but my body resigned on me and took a holiday to "heal"(said dripping in angry sarcasm).

I know that this means I will read more and watch record levels of TV. My favorite companion to these activities is eating
Lots of food
All kinds of food

My clever soul has decided to combat this with embroidery, drawing, texting carrot until I can't control my bladder, and posting from my little phone. Empty hands are Ben and Jerry's workshop. So far, so good, my weight has stayed the same.

My cousin discovered she has sleep apena.

She found out the the machine and she said to me she has lost 50 pounds and doesn't need any naps! She has more energy and she said "the weight falls off"

So what I know is that as we get older there are reasons we gain weight that go beyond not eating healthy and not exercising.

If you have bad knees, then of course you don't want to run. Use your cleverness and pair it with determination and see a doctor, get your knees help with good shoes, or go to a pool.

If you can't eat healthy because of money and or time get your clever determined mind to learn how to fix that problem

If you just don't have time, or don't care if you are unhealthy any more...figure out why.

This Sunday was stake conference and the visiting speaker said we should go to the temple with a question. I thought, "I don't really wonder anything, I am too busy to wonder...."

The answer came like a ton of bricks.

"It you don't have any questions, then you aren't taking time to think, ponder and pray."

"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates

I know that's right...

Saturday, January 16, 2010


The voice in my head is super dramatic and written words are so limp and passive. Text lays down and waits to be picked up by your eyes, transfered into your brain where you must imagine the sound I intended to convey.

I think that is why emoticons became so popular, and why lol, and rofl were invented to convey a wink, and a smile.

This is why I sometimes spell please "Puhleeze". It means "I'm begging". The voice in my head dictates to my thumbs (I'm posting this blog from my phone) drama and with great difficulty these opposable appendages try to convey the deep emotion they hear

For the past few days my brain and thumbs have been trying to collaborate just how to translate the whiny, pitiful, baleful scream that I desire to share. The only solution they could come up was a bit more cerebral. Here goes:

Imagine a 40ish lady, sitting in a red chair, body straight, but leaning forward about 45 degrees. Her neck leans backwards and head faces the sky, her lips are stained brown, and her breath is too sweet and unnaturally minty. There is an opened empty box of Harry and David peppermint truffles on the floor to the right. Their white and red empty wrappers lay around her lap and chair scattered like shrapnel in downtown Baghdad. There has been a war, and she is beaten.

Her arms hang neandrathal-like on either side of the armrests and look elongated and noodle-like in their helpless surrender. A noise which arises to pierce the air is unintelligible. At first the words are too high and streched out too far for an ear to know where one word ends and the next sounds like this...


A question that haunts me in my sleep. It seperates me from the "healthy and lovin it" crowd. It makes me sing "food is a battlefield..." and while that music plays in my head (the synthesizers steady beat acommpanies my thumbs on this phone) my mind plays a montage of me running hand in hand with a peanut butter cup, sliding down a slide with a box of malt balls and being pushed on a swing by a chocolate easter bunny (with one ear lightly nibbled)

I am the girl who had "forget love I'd rather fall into chocolate" stickers on her PeeChee in high school.

This has been a difficult break up for me, and during this time of confinement me and naughty food had a few dangerous liasons.

I am left feeling flabby and guilty. A quote starts up a powerpoint presentation in my mind each word following the other in pathetic succession.
"of all sad words
of tounge and pen
These are the saddest
'It might have been". (For the life of me I can't remember who said it and it is a big pain to reference it with my thumbs)

The point is, I lost a battle - yes I admit it's me. I have a red (burgundy, not hooker red in case you are painting a picture in your head) chair in my bedroom and the truffles were given to me by a little boy I babysit.

I must shove off the despair from my thickening thighs. I must remember that the war isn't over until my pale stiff THIN corpse is shoveled underground. I am still boss and like a phoenix I will rise again. I can start tomorrow new and perfect.

If I give up now and surrender to my basic instinct to be swaddled in excess foods' loving, fun and comfortable embrace I will be awful sad and I will have to buy new clothes, and this blog becomes a LIE, strangers will point and mock, and my children will live as orphans because I perished early from an unhealthy lifestye...etc. (I am getting carried away by emotion, but what a ride...)

So instead I quote Nephi...

"Yea why should I give way to temptations...
Awake my soul...Do not slaken my strength because of mine afflictions..
O Lord wilt thou make a way for mine escape before mine enemies! Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin?
O Lord...I will trust in thee forever...I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me if I ask not amiss." (Exerpts from the psalm of Nephi, 2Nephi 4)

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

it's a stupid game

Remember when you were a kid and someone bigger than you would seize control of your hand and take the enslaved appendage to flail it repeatedly in your face? Do you remember the phrase barked jovially into your pummeled cranium?

"Stop hitting yourself!"

It is a stupid game inflicted by morons and leveled at the weaklings of this world.

Well, unless I do it.

To myself. (Metaphorically)

In my 20's I put on some weight and I figured out how to get 20 lbs of it off. I had 15 more lbs to go when my co-workers inspired by my weight loss suggested we join together and weigh in once a week.
What fun! A cash prize was extorted from the losers for the newly svelte smug winner. What camaraderie!

As their numbers went down mine started back up. I started gaining 2 pounds a week. Imprinted in my head still are the words, but Celinda, we are trying to LOSE weight..." I gained all 20 back.

I hate failing in front of others. I reasoned that, to protect myself from embarrassment I must show my co-workers that it no longer mattered to me. I was the first one to shout "not included" when any game of sport began. I would rather have slugs placed into my dryer than fail in public. Weight watchers would blow me up into a marshmallow placed in a microwave.

I LOVE biggest loser, but if Jillian was all up in my face like that, I would sit down and start shoving fries into my face. I would be the "backwards Ghandi and stage food orgy strikes (which by the way appeal to me way more than hunger strikes.)

So if you too see in your mirror a non-conforming rebel like me....and, if any completion or team sport weight loss sends you to the cookies stored in the kids Sunday bag, this is what works...


For me this meant I had a secret diet. Only my husband knew, and it was NOT a competition!! I did not let anyone know at first that I was attempting to lose weight. see I didn't want them to know I was fat (lol).

Everyone gets fat for different reasons, but the act of eating too much and exercising too little is self inflicted. Seize control of your hijacked hand! It just placed chubby hubby in your cart!

If it gives you peace to know that I don't give a Yankee doodle weather you change or not, you just may be a kindred spirit. It matters not to me the choices you make. I am not the enemy, the enemy is YOU! So don't eat that doughnut to prove anything to me, flush it down the toilet to prove something to yourself.

Now imagine you and that crazy relative punching you with your own hand. See yourself grow strong and muscular - "break the wrist and walk away" -( a quote from Napoleons rex quando class)

"Oh be wise..."

Friday, January 8, 2010

seconds...oh pulheze...

Dear friends

It is a simple and unavoidable truth

If one does not desire to be the size of 2 or 3 people, one must only eat one persons food.

I have said it before, and I still believe it.

Tarnation! (One word a loss of daily Bugs Bunny has robbed me of, and one I desire to resurrect).

The difficulty lies in the application.

The only thing I can suggest is to sabotage the natural man. I was reminded of this when the pepper shaker fell onto a cake. I of course attempted to eat the area under the flakes, but was thwarted by the realization of the desperate measures "fat celinda" is willing to sink to in order to re appear in all her double chin, jelly belly glory.

We must realize that this is war...our inner fatties like their comforts and desire complete satisfaction. There is a skinny you is smarter and a lean mean fighting machine, we just have to help her out.

Bugs bunny always defeated elmer fudd with a wink and a smile. Channel your inner Bugs! He was skinny, he only ate carrots for heaven sake!

Say no to seconds today. You already know what it tasted like. Get up from the table when you empty your plate the first time! Clear and put things away ASAP. Leave no food on the counter for asthetic reasons, (unless it's lemons). A cookie jar is cute but get over yourself. The days of cute are over!!

Helllloooo Gorgeous!

Monday, January 4, 2010

Dear ladies, (and gents?)

What if you are having a bad day?

what if you wake up to a dirty house, angry spouse, grumpy kids, moms' flipping their lids??? (it didn't start as a poem, but I was on a roll)

God gave us a gift called music and dance.

He also gave us chocolate and marshmellow santas that were hid in the closet that you santa "forgot".

How to pick. One is as easy as the other,and both can be equally effective in perking up a mood, they both can change a tantrum into a picnic.

One however gives my jeans a Hangover (and I mean muffin tops) So, today I pick music, and today I pick the Bee Gees, wont you join me?

And while you dance, lets dance the leftover candy to the toilet.

I know by noon I am perfectly willing to grab goodies out of the garbage - we are not those people who hate sugar and cringe at the idea of eating things unhealthy. We know flushing is the only way.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

thank you

Thank you every body for the welcome back comments, and thank you dear husband for my cool g1 phone which let's me post from my recliner!! One comment asked if a hyst is similar to a csection. I looked up my favorite hyst blog and. found that they are not: highlights: "peeling the bladder off the routing, cutting nerves and blood vessels etc..." this oddly enough gave me comfort...I was really feeling like a healing loser.

I Compared myself to friends and the iron mamas in my ward that are throwing babies around, running and prancing around in swimwear after 2 weeks of having a baby cut out. My sister bragged that she was back to church in a week, I am horribly competitive and was sure that even though the dr said 4-6 weeks I wanted to be the bionic woman too, so I dressed on my first Sunday excitedly anticipating the christmas program. And, met with abject failure and tears.

One of the points of my blog has always been that God hears and answers prayers. If losing weight means lots to you then it means lots to Him. He cares and provides. I have so many examples of miracles but will just share 2. My husband moved the furniture in a crazy way that messed with my head. I asked for a change, but my dh was so tired and overwhelmed that I quickly retracted my request. On the Monday after christmas my sister came to help clean the mess in my house. When she finished she came to my room and said that she moved my furniture in my family room and hoped I didn't mind. It was just how I wanted it...tender mercy, I know it was a gift from God because Michelle said simply that she had a prayer before she came over.

Yesterday we invited my entire family over to celebrate including my aunt and uncle and cousins who live an hour away. My uncle has terminal cancer and this is probably one of the last times we will get together. Hosting is what the spirit prompted me to do, but I had no ability to clean and "mommy clean" is different than my families standard. They have taken on so much everyone is worn out. I knelt down and described my plight and got up feeling washed with peace. I went out of my room thinking that Heavenly Father was going to grant me the strength to just not care and celebrate in the mess. No sir, my dear neighbor Tammy Summers and her son came unbidden and with their help, my nieces Brynn and Cherstin and my own family my house was more beautiful than I could have dreamed! Tender mercies pop out as friends.

I am getting better every day! I once was a modest mother who refused to let my kids say the word "poop". Life today has morphed me into a lady with pooping envy. I pooped today without aid or pain, I called my husband to share the news. Before this experience I did all I could to make him believe that I didn't engage in any such activity, but you try a week without the afore mentioned activity and you too will revel in the act of bowel movements. I have a new love and reverence for fiber and water... dairy bad, prunes good...But the same reverence and knowledge that God even cares about the little things.

Welcome to my 40's!!!


My insatiable desire to redecorate balanced with a stay at home motherhood budget leads me to thrift stores where mixed in with old prints and frames I find serenity prayers, zillions of which I can only sadly assume previous owners fell off the wagon. They are modge podged onto dark wood with a beer tab hot glued onto the back for the fastner. Some have pictures of seagulls and others have lighthouses affixed. All start out with the plea that God grants them acceptance.

Apply that into my practical life: I need to accept that I (in my best popeye voice) "yam what's I yam" which includes a lady that chocolate macadamia nut clusters from costco are my version of crack. I made mistakes yesterday last week and all of the years preceeding. I did the best I could with the circumstances, knowledge and resources that were at my disposal. I don't Love to run, I bounce where I don't want to feel bouncing, I sweat, I hurt and I do not nor am ever planning to experience a runners high. Running is not as fun as eating. Watching a movie is more fun than walking up a hill.

Accepting gets you ready to move on and make changes. It says "I was what I was" and I did the best I could at the time with the information and strength I had. It takes into account that you always change and learn and that we always grow. Not accepting your past brings anger, self pity, and continued fattness. Acepting brings peace, and the ability to change.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

and a happy new year

I realize that there are many resolutions being made and the majority involve losing weight and so I just thought I would put in a bit of advice
Baby steps
Resolve tonight that during the first week of new years you will increase exercise 50% and not drink anything with calories for 7 days. Then in one week you can proudly and truthfully state that your resoluition was complete and that you are a goal finisher not a resolution breaker...
It is the ADD approach to New Years resolutions, it works, and it is delightful to succeed at something once a week! Just check back in and we can work on next week, next week: "Sufficient for the day is the evil therein" - (and I have no idea who said it.)

Calamity update: is anyone in shock that I am posting? 2 weeks ago I had a hysterectomy and I have been in bed. This is the start of week 3 and I am going stir crazy. However each time I get up to do something productive I am hindered by this stupid recovery time. I am starting to realize that major surgery means pain, bed, and, "oh what the heck why not blog from my cool new phone?"

I don't know if anyone will find me, but here I am - and unfortunately I'm not going anywhere!

Friday, February 27, 2009

How to get skinny

The night before, you lay out your clothes (including socks), or sleep in them.

You've put a couple water bottles in the fridge the night before too.

Wake up to the alarm, turn it off, get out of bed get dressed.

It's cold, you're tired, but you've decided you want this.

You've already made lunches, had everyone get their things ready the night before, and gotten up an hour before the first one in the house is up, so quickly set the table for breakfast.

You go outside and walk/run. You don't care if it's cold, snowy or rainy. You must do something for yourself, and this is it.

You come home after your 10, 15, 30, 45 minute workout. Hey, anything is something more than nothing.

If no one is up, quickly jump in the shower.

If they're up, make sure they're eating and then go take a shower.

(Your day will go better if you have taken a shower before everyone leaves.)

Kids are off, you make yourself a bowl of oatmeal, and whole grain toast. Sit down at the table and eat. Still hungry? It's oatmeal, have some more and add some fruit.

While eating, you make a plan to stay busy during the times you are the hungriest. Call someone on the phone you haven't talked to on the phone, and fold laundry. Go to the playland at the mall, meet a friend at the park, go to the library, or run errands.

You don't forget to grab healthy snacks and stash them in your purse. You are allowed to snack, just on the right food.

Noon. Sure, you're a little worn out, but after a couple weeks of exercising, you'll be blessed with added energy. It's okay to take a nap or do something for yourself. Paint your toenails, shave your legs. Drink water.

1/2 before the kids get home, you make something you can all snack on together. Fresh veggies and fat free ranch? 94% fat free popcorn? Bran muffins? Pineapple?
Something quick and delicious.

Dinner has been thrown in the crock pot in the morning, or is planned out. You've thought about it ahead of time so you don't give into fast food or boxed meals.

After homework is finished, you make sure everyone makes their lunches, and lays out everything for the next day.

Before the Kids go to bed, they help you put the house to bed. It's so much easier to face the morning if you're not overwhelmed with housework.

After they go to bed, mommy time, you watch t.v. but you lay on the floor and do leg lifts or crunches. Maybe you sit and crochet to keep your hands busy. Maybe you choose to read a book instead.

You go to bed at a reasonable time because you know you have to wake up early.

You pray and give thanks for what you did accomplish, even if it wasn't perfect.

Tomorrow is another day to try again.

When you fall down, you get back up because you don't like staying on the ground.

Can't walk/run a mile or two? Get a calendar and work yourself up to it. Set a goal. One week you'll walk/run 1/4 mile, the next week you'll run 1/2, and so on. Make it a goal to run in a 5k this summer, or sign up for a fundraising walk and work towards that. Get someone to join you.

In four months, when summer comes you can either be heavier, the same weight, or skinnier. The good news is, you can choose which one you want to be.

“Striving for success without hard work is like trying to harvest where you haven't planted”

I am not perfect. I gain weight, I lose weight. We all have bad days, weeks, months. The important thing is that you try to better yourself.

I'm going to have to give up the blog. It's been fun, but it's just not something I can keep up anymore. Hey, here's an idea! Why don't you start a blog about your weight loss? It just might give you the motivation you need.

Thank you and good night.

Monday, January 26, 2009

How To Get Fat

Wake up to the alarm, turn it off, go back to sleep. "Too tired."

Wake up to the sunlight, realize everyone is late, run around shoving food in various children's faces, locate backpacks, make lunches for everyone but yourself, find the lost shoe. No time to eat breakfast.

Kids are off, busy day ahead breakfast for you is the left over food items in the various bowls and plates before the dishes go into the sink. A combo of frozen waffles, eggs, and cheerios. Not too bad, kind of delicious, no portions, couldn't be too big, just the little bits of left overs.

Forget to pack healthy snacks in purse for you - way too busy, way too rushed.

Noon, stomach is growling, there was no snack and now I am STARVING. What to eat? Can't make it home, mind is stressed, seek out most comforting food available (super tacos at Jack-in-the-box)and a milkshake. Justify it by the thought that this is just once, and an emergency, and you deserve it. Besides, what harm can one bad lunch do?

Home, time to make after school snacks, cheap and fast is easier and tastier than healthy and time consuming. Hmmm, looks good, one bite can't hurt, two, three, lose control, immediate gratification is way better than some idea of skinny you can never achieve. Give up on diet the rest of the day is shot.

Dinner is fabulous frozen lasagna, figure -"already blew it, I will try tomorrow."

Kids go to bed, its mommy time, TV, computer, no work out- way too tired. Find hidden emergency stash of peanut m&m's and ice cream. Think of the tough day you had figure "I deserve this," eat right out of the carton. Up too late. Don't set out running clothes for morning, can't find ipod, don't know where other shoe is - promise to find it in the morning. Hit pillow too late and way too tired.

Morning. Can't wake up. Too tired. Can't find clothes anyway, Without ipod I will be too bored, I will go tomorrow. Hit snooze....

Next post: How To Get Skinny

Monday, January 12, 2009


My natural man is really an enemy to God, sometimes I think more than most. My problem is that I am secretly lazy. If I allowed my natural self to have its way I would be parked, watching old movies and eating, I might get up, and get bored, but I would just change to a different form of entertainment. With one pregnancy while stuck in bed, I read up to 3 sometimes 4 books a week. Except for the pain I was in, I was pretty content. That is what concerns me. Deep down I aspire to be a lump.

So alas, my struggle is evident: The good vs. the bad, Darth vs. Luke, Bo Duke vs. Boss Hogg, and Lazy me, vs. Busy me.

That is where friends come in handy. It is hard to find a good work out partner, but life is so much better if you can. It is nice to have someone to check me on my lazy spots and make me get out of bed on my worst days. Heavenly Father is the best resource. He knows just who to pick. Six times I got down on my knees and asked for help and each time the lord provided the best walking partners: Laura, Ronda, Kelli, Kim, Sloan, and Reena. He showed me who to ask, and each time they became my best friends, therapists, and companions.

Because of a crazy schedule, I have been without a partner for a long time. I realize now that I need someone to work with because it is increasingly tempting to stop. I got back on my knees. I received a prompting. I let my new partner know. And this morning he accompanied me at 5:15 for the start of a beautiful relationship. Heavenly Father picked my husband. It was fun to inform Mel that the Lord made him a New Years resolution, I am excited to see what we have in store.