Tuesday, January 12, 2010
it's a stupid game
Remember when you were a kid and someone bigger than you would seize control of your hand and take the enslaved appendage to flail it repeatedly in your face? Do you remember the phrase barked jovially into your pummeled cranium?
"Stop hitting yourself!"
It is a stupid game inflicted by morons and leveled at the weaklings of this world.
Well, unless I do it.
To myself. (Metaphorically)
In my 20's I put on some weight and I figured out how to get 20 lbs of it off. I had 15 more lbs to go when my co-workers inspired by my weight loss suggested we join together and weigh in once a week.
What fun! A cash prize was extorted from the losers for the newly svelte smug winner. What camaraderie!
As their numbers went down mine started back up. I started gaining 2 pounds a week. Imprinted in my head still are the words, but Celinda, we are trying to LOSE weight..." I gained all 20 back.
I hate failing in front of others. I reasoned that, to protect myself from embarrassment I must show my co-workers that it no longer mattered to me. I was the first one to shout "not included" when any game of sport began. I would rather have slugs placed into my dryer than fail in public. Weight watchers would blow me up into a marshmallow placed in a microwave.
I LOVE biggest loser, but if Jillian was all up in my face like that, I would sit down and start shoving fries into my face. I would be the "backwards Ghandi and stage food orgy strikes (which by the way appeal to me way more than hunger strikes.)
So if you too see in your mirror a non-conforming rebel like me....and, if any completion or team sport weight loss sends you to the cookies stored in the kids Sunday bag, this is what works...
STOP HITTING YOURSELF!
For me this meant I had a secret diet. Only my husband knew, and it was NOT a competition!! I did not let anyone know at first that I was attempting to lose weight. see I didn't want them to know I was fat (lol).
Everyone gets fat for different reasons, but the act of eating too much and exercising too little is self inflicted. Seize control of your hijacked hand! It just placed chubby hubby in your cart!
If it gives you peace to know that I don't give a Yankee doodle weather you change or not, you just may be a kindred spirit. It matters not to me the choices you make. I am not the enemy, the enemy is YOU! So don't eat that doughnut to prove anything to me, flush it down the toilet to prove something to yourself.
Now imagine you and that crazy relative punching you with your own hand. See yourself grow strong and muscular - "break the wrist and walk away" -( a quote from Napoleons rex quando class)
"Oh be wise..."