Another season I think is hard is the season when I feel stuck at home, it makes me fat. I get this feeling sometimes when I have sick kids, toddlers, babies, and of course lack of funds (If I don't go to the store, I won't spend money!) I get bored, I get tired, and complacent in the mundane tasks of motherhood. My hubby always comes home from work telling me the comments coming from the women he works with: "I could never stay home it would make me crazy!", or "I would get so bored!" I want to look at them with a bland face and say "your point is.....???"
Bored for a mother, or maybe it is just me, means that I have plenty to do, It just doesn't really seem pressing, and I don't want to do it. I know that my toilets could use scrubbing, my windows washing, I know I could be making cookies for my children and that my van could use a good mucking out, but.... if they don't get done....well, no big deal, the family will still function and if I mop now it will need another mopping tomorrow. I think to myself my children are no judge or jury, I think I will take today off and read, or watch my recorded shows, or be on the computer all day, and eat to my hearts content. There is no supervisor, no one to be really accountable to, just me and I get to do anything I want. I usually don't want to clean, I usually want to read, and eat.
Lets say however I am going to host book club, or have a baby shower, or invite complete strangers into my home. Then I am frantic, I storm from room to room cleaning like a mad woman, shouting orders, and spewing cleaning supplies all over the house.
I just found this entry which puts this horrible habit into perspective, which I need to remember once again: It is dated April 18th 2006
"I just woke up from a horrible dream. I had 2 little boys to take care of. One was Ethan my neighbors son 9 years old, the other Bruce, my 3 year old. We were by a flooded stream or river and I had to float the boys to safety. Ethans mother was really ill. I wanted to help her so I decided to take him first, even though he was much older. They were on a raft made of logslocked in place by an anchor. I rescued Ethan but had to tell Bruce to not move from the raft. he looked so little and was crying as I left him. I returned Ethan to his parents but it took longer than I had thought. I was sick thinking of what I had done, knowing that when I returned, Bruce might be gone, that I had left my son to be a hero to my neighbor. How could I have my priorities so skewed? Ethan was the older one, and could probably swim. He could have followed me while I saved my son. --Dream over.
Yesterday I spent the day making my house look nice for company I neglected my children in the worst ways. When Bruce cried I got angry, when he spit and hit Eliza I got angry. I can see how my son just needed me more than I needed to have a perfect house for my guests. I feel ashamed and humbled."
What does this have to do with weight loss? Well just this, when I don't have a schedule or a plan and I wing it I am left defenseless to my cravings. I am sure to do that which is most convenient to me. Please note, I am a mother of 5 and my time is claimed 85% of the time, so I justify taking it easy, too easy, when I get moments to myself. I know we aren't supposed to run faster than we have strength, but I barely crawl when I can get away with it.
As a missionary we were taught to plan every day out before we started. This way we wouldn't waste time and could be more productive. I always heard that a mission is a training ground for life, so applying the same principles are important. This is tricky when there are toddlers involved and we have to be realistic and flexible, but we do have to work, and do the best we can, not saying that as a call to justify, but a call to work. I find when I ask myself if I can do better, I usually can. I really shouldn't have time to watch tv during the day. "I have work enough to do, ere the sun goes down" (LDS Hymn #224)
I loved the Relief Society Broadcast, each speaker mentioned service, charity, and good works. One sister invited us to pray every morning "who can I help today?" Being anxiously engaged in good works leaves little time to sit, watch tv and eat.
I am not perfect in this principle as yesterdays food/tv/computer/book binge would prove, but to those of you who like me, find day to day housework and chores mundane, boring, and unchallenging, please know today I am trying harder, and will be better. I really think that if I can get my head around the fact that my home is a temple I would work harder to make it feel that way. I wouldn't feel stuck, but rather blessed to be anxiously engaged in a good work. I hear over and over that my home is a temple, especially to my children. That makes me a temple worker. As a temple worker, I have meaning, purpose and direction. Even cleaning the toilets in the temple is a service of love.
Holiness to the Lord.