Self Talk

There is really no reason to buy your Halloween candy early. Stores will still have candy for you on October 31st. You know it, I know it. There is no real justification for the early purchase other than the fact that you are going to keep it hidden from your kids and in times of stress hide yourself with it. You are not fooling anyone. The chocolate stains on you blouse will give you away. Stay away from the Hershey bars, we know who you are buying it for - whether you are conscious of it or not. It is a known fact that chocolate is for moms, gross sour cheap candy is for the kids.

And if you are carrot, my sister and wittnessed my disgraseful begging for and scarfing of chocolate kisses this past weekend, well just keep quiet. It was just "that time" I swear I am turning over a new leaf.

Yes, I know, at least you aren't as old as me.

Happy Birthday Carrot!

Lame that I am putting this on one day late, but really carrot, who doesn't love to celebrate for two days in a row? Besides, I celebrated with you two days early soooo, it stands to reason that this is right on time.

Image of my father

I had a dream the other night that a girl in my ward came up to me and said "you think you are so great, but you still could lose 10 more pounds - why have you stopped? What is wrong with you?"

A few years ago I went to pick up my mothers dry cleaning. The owner of the shop knew and loved my mother. Her praises were eloquent: "Oh your mother is so beautiful so fun, she dresses so well, she looks so young and classy!" After a short pause she added as an after thought... "you look like your dad I think" That was it.

There is an invisible crowd of imaginary people that I sometimes feel are watching me - judging me - giving me an impossible line I cannot reach. Those imaginary people I try to please and when I fall short I say WHO CARES! and then to prove to them that I DON'T CARE I shove as much food in my mouth as possible, basking in my independence laughing because "I WILL SHOW THEM!" Somehow I have imagined a battle and in my imagined fight have hurt myself. Those people I feel are watching me and judging me probably feel the same way about me.

The very phrase "WHO CARES! that gives me permission to eat until sick assumes the answer is that no one cares how fat I get or how miserable I am and if they do care they aren't going to help anyway. I mistakenly assume I should find comfort any way I can and eating is a quick easy fix.

That is why I love dieting with prayer. In the morning when I pray, I ask for help to overcome the temptation to solve problems with food. I am taught that that HE CARES. When I remember that I get on my knees and he shows me comfort, help, love and direction.

1 Nephi 21:14-16: "But, behold, Zion hath said: The Lord hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me—but he will show that he hath not.
15 For can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee, O house of Israel.
16 Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands;"

my CREATIONS

Following Elder Uchdorf's advice (see post below) I copied pictures from Archie comics and a story book of my son's. I think Cartooning is the way to go because there is no shading and no perspective stuff. Now If I can just draw a duck...

The Devils Workshop

"Creation brings deep satisfaction and fulfillment. We develop ourselves and others when we take unorganized matter into our hands and mold it into something of beauty—and I am not talking about the process of cleaning the rooms of your teenage children."

There is a sedentary part of motherhood. I oversee piano lessons, drive and wait for kids in the car, oversee homework and computer time - you get the idea. Add to that watching TV programs, books, computer time and phone conversations and my Heine gets plenty of sit time.

I have to admit that I enjoy the sedentary part of my life. The only problem that I can see is that lounging pairs itself effortlessly to eating. The old quote: "idle hands are the devils workshop" could also be changed to idle hands and a sitting bum are Ben and Jerry magnets.

Elder Uchdorfs talk inspired me. If my problem is that I eat when I am still, creating, and keeping my hands busy can keep my mouth empty. I brought back out my crochet hooks and during conference I crocheted a lace edging around a fleece blanket. I felt immensly satisfied because I created and stayed away from the peanut m&m's.

I now want to gain a skill. I want to draw like my brother. My tallented family intimidates me and make me embarrassed to try. Drawing a duck for my daughter depressed me when I had to explain just where the beak was.

A few weeks ago I grabbed an Archie comic book and started cartooning. If I do say so myself I have got Betty and Veronica down. I attempted Ethel but have a bit of work to do on her. You would think she would be easy, but ugly is hard.

I titled my spiral note book "I Wanna Draw" and last night watching the biggest loser I filled up 8 pages of doodles. It was so much fun, very satisfying and completely calorie free. I have found that creating really does have a bigger payoff than eating...Who Knew?? I am so thankful for inspired church leaders. Heavenly Father did not leave us alone to figure it out. I feel very loved!

p.s. Thank you to you all for reading my ramblings. Your comments have meant a lot to me, I am amazed that you all came back! I really needed to do this, I have lost another 2 pounds. Being accountable to an invisible audience works wonders.

Product placement

I had a blueberry cobbler left over from Sunday that my mom gave our family. I had it in a Tupperware at eye level in my fridge. Each time I opened my fridge my eyes landed on it and I was forced by reason to grab a fork and have a taste.

Pretty soon I was seeing a pattern. I open the fridge hundreds ( I exaggerate a bit) of times each day, each time getting a taste of the satanic cobbler. The goods were shrinking in the bowl and I realized I was the one making it disappear. When my eyes were opened to my folly I took the cobbler and put it on the lower shelf behind the chicken and ketchup thus making it invisible to my lustful eye. There I hoped that it would suffer the fate of other lost refrigerated goods and grow a nice beard of moldy blue. "Out of sight out of mind" really works for me.

Last night at dinner I offered the goods to my family and what they didn't eat I forced into the sink, flooding it with water. I just didn't know for how long I would remain safe, I had to get rid of the crack cocaine of the dessert world.

Grocery Stores know that product placement is very important - putting the more expensive items at eye level. We the consumer have no idea how gullible we are. When I put goodies at eye level I feed into my own trap. The kitchen feels like my home. I am cooking and feeding myself and others all day. I have got to make it safe.

"Get thee hence, Satan; deceive me not" (Moses 1: 16)

hence (hns)
adv. From this place; away from here: "Get you hence!"