I had a dream the other night that a girl in my ward came up to me and said "you think you are so great, but you still could lose 10 more pounds - why have you stopped? What is wrong with you?"
A few years ago I went to pick up my mothers dry cleaning. The owner of the shop knew and loved my mother. Her praises were eloquent: "Oh your mother is so beautiful so fun, she dresses so well, she looks so young and classy!" After a short pause she added as an after thought... "you look like your dad I think" That was it.
There is an invisible crowd of imaginary people that I sometimes feel are watching me - judging me - giving me an impossible line I cannot reach. Those imaginary people I try to please and when I fall short I say WHO CARES! and then to prove to them that I DON'T CARE I shove as much food in my mouth as possible, basking in my independence laughing because "I WILL SHOW THEM!" Somehow I have imagined a battle and in my imagined fight have hurt myself. Those people I feel are watching me and judging me probably feel the same way about me.
The very phrase "WHO CARES! that gives me permission to eat until sick assumes the answer is that no one cares how fat I get or how miserable I am and if they do care they aren't going to help anyway. I mistakenly assume I should find comfort any way I can and eating is a quick easy fix.
That is why I love dieting with prayer. In the morning when I pray, I ask for help to overcome the temptation to solve problems with food. I am taught that that HE CARES. When I remember that I get on my knees and he shows me comfort, help, love and direction.
1 Nephi 21:14-16: "But, behold, Zion hath said: The Lord hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me—but he will show that he hath not.
15 For can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee, O house of Israel.
16 Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands;"