duh ralph

duh
Main Entry:
duh
Pronunciation:
\ˈdə, usually with prolonged ə\
Function:
interjection
Date:
1966
1 —used to express actual or feigned ignorance or stupidity 2 —used derisively to indicate that something just stated is all too obvious or self-evident

I just caught myself saying "duh....". The word in my mind conveys a drooling pre-pubescent with or without braces and plenty of zits showing their mental superiority. I can't believe it came back. I wonder how much I have said it without realizing that the word is back in my vocab. While saying it as the zit faced girl I drew out the U and made the inflection go up and down like a roller coaster; "duuuuuhhh" I said it this way if I wanted to be especially emphatic. Sometimes the word was used with "Ralph" as in "duh Ralph" even if the person addressed was not named Ralph. Inside the deep reaches of my brain dusty synapses type out a code telling me that this phrase came from Happy Days, Potsie saying it to Ralphie, or was it Joanie?... Could this be right? However it came to be, it covered the airwaves of the late seventies and early 80's.

The word conveys superiority, as in "I already knew that", or "isn't it obvious?" Lets say you are sitting in front of a bag or multiple bags of Halloween candy and someone says "Are you going to eat that?" you could reply "duh" as in "do you really have to ask?"

The problem with being a homemaker is that you are home. So is the candy. You have no chance resisting. Don't even try. You have to come up with something else. This is what I urge you to do:

1. Donate to the Bishops candy jar. As a former Bishops wife I can say that filling up that thing gets expensive, but is great P.R. Who knows - doing a good deed for the bishop could add a pool to your mansion on high.
2. Give your children the speech that all candy left in a place which can be found will be confiscated and flushed.
3. Pack candy up in a box, wrap it with duct tape and place in the back of spouses car. This can be retrieved for stocking stuffers at Christmas time. This will keep you away from the justification you will come up with when faced with chocolate Santas, and mint Hershey kisses while grocery shopping.
4. Set a time limit - 3 days, 5 days, 1 week. Let candy magically disappear. If you are too sentimental get your husband to do it, let him be the bad guy. Give him the incentive of a beautiful wife in a beautiful body, he will be sure to jump on board and help you out.
5. If you are thrifty and hate to throw anything out get over yourself. Candy is the symbol of Halloween. The holiday is over. Time to pack up the pumpkins throw the candy out and move on to Veterans day.

Come up with other ideas, share them, each of us need the help. We are in danger. "Are you going to eat that?" Don't fool yourself. The answer unfortunately is "duuuuhhh".