Some people have asked me how I started my weight loss. My first few months in the blog archive explain it all.

Friday, November 2, 2007

duh ralph

duh
Main Entry:
duh
Pronunciation:
\ˈdə, usually with prolonged ə\
Function:
interjection
Date:
1966
1 —used to express actual or feigned ignorance or stupidity 2 —used derisively to indicate that something just stated is all too obvious or self-evident

I just caught myself saying "duh....". The word in my mind conveys a drooling pre-pubescent with or without braces and plenty of zits showing their mental superiority. I can't believe it came back. I wonder how much I have said it without realizing that the word is back in my vocab. While saying it as the zit faced girl I drew out the U and made the inflection go up and down like a roller coaster; "duuuuuhhh" I said it this way if I wanted to be especially emphatic. Sometimes the word was used with "Ralph" as in "duh Ralph" even if the person addressed was not named Ralph. Inside the deep reaches of my brain dusty synapses type out a code telling me that this phrase came from Happy Days, Potsie saying it to Ralphie, or was it Joanie?... Could this be right? However it came to be, it covered the airwaves of the late seventies and early 80's.

The word conveys superiority, as in "I already knew that", or "isn't it obvious?" Lets say you are sitting in front of a bag or multiple bags of Halloween candy and someone says "Are you going to eat that?" you could reply "duh" as in "do you really have to ask?"

The problem with being a homemaker is that you are home. So is the candy. You have no chance resisting. Don't even try. You have to come up with something else. This is what I urge you to do:

  1. Donate to the Bishops candy jar. As a former Bishops wife I can say that filling up that thing gets expensive, but is great P.R. Who knows - doing a good deed for the bishop could add a pool to your mansion on high.
  2. Give your children the speech that all candy left in a place which can be found will be confiscated and flushed.
  3. Pack candy up in a box, wrap it with duct tape and place in the back of spouses car. This can be retrieved for stocking stuffers at Christmas time. This will keep you away from the justification you will come up with when faced with chocolate Santas, and mint Hershey kisses while grocery shopping.
  4. Set a time limit - 3 days, 5 days, 1 week. Let candy magically disappear. If you are too sentimental get your husband to do it, let him be the bad guy. Give him the incentive of a beautiful wife in a beautiful body, he will be sure to jump on board and help you out.
  5. If you are thrifty and hate to throw anything out get over yourself. Candy is the symbol of Halloween. The holiday is over. Time to pack up the pumpkins throw the candy out and move on to Veterans day.

Come up with other ideas, share them, each of us need the help. We are in danger. "Are you going to eat that?" Don't fool yourself. The answer unfortunately is "duuuuhhh".

9 comments:

Marc and Megan said...

Great ideas! Our extra candy is going to be used as bribery in seminary... I can use all the help I can get! But, since we had so much left over, I think we'll also use some of your ideas. Those are great! :)

Aubrey said...

I love your blog! I found it not too long ago but have not commented until now.
My sis-in-law told me a great idea---she had the Great Pumpkin come to their house and take all the candy away and leave a little toy behind. Her kids thought it was a great idea! I think I will adopt this tradition in our house.
I have a friend who goes through the candy and stocks half of it away for other holidays like Christmas stockings and Easter baskets.
I especially liked your last suggestion. I have gotten over the throwing-away-is-wasting mentality. You can waste it in the trash or waste it in yourself; either way it is a waste. So spare yourself those extra calories and just chuck it!!

Carrot Jello said...

What do we get to eat for Vetrans day?

Amy said...

too much candy...so little time! That has been my mantra, until now. I got myself a new wagon to jump onto. It's the "don't plump up in honor of the holidays" wagon. Join me one and all! Throw away the candy, grab an apple wedge instead, it's more festive!

Rebecca said...

Those are some wonderful ideas! I noticed that our bishop's candy jar was getting low...I think I know where some of ours is going.

Calamity Jane said...

Megan you are my kind of seminary teacher!

Aubry, Thanks for the great ideas - I especially love the waste it in the trash or waste it in me thing!

Carrot I hate using lol, I feel stupid having to type out my reaction, but lol - I don't mean just lol but I say dodlolwmup - (drop over dead laughing out loud wetting my underpants)

Amy - I am on board your apple cart!

Rebecca - your bishop thanks you!

Heffalump said...

Ah...Happy Days! I loved that show...
My husband and kids have been taking care of the leftover candy for me. Aren't they nice? I haven't felt like eating it anyhow.
What I am proud of this year is that I didn't run out to the after Halloween sale and get five bags of half off candy this year...I just stayed home...

Yvonne said...

Those are such great ideas. I hope by the time I get home all the Halloween candy is gone! (If not, I now know what to do!!!)

Kimberly said...

Brilliant! We use #3 around here. When Neil leaves for work in the morning, the junk food goes with him!