Some people have asked me how I started my weight loss. My first few months in the blog archive explain it all.

Friday, October 26, 2007


I am sick - chewed gum spit out and resting on the bottom of a shoe sick. I have a cold, slight fever and am nauseous.

The ironic thing is - I keep wanting to step on the scale and see if I lost any weight due to this unfortunate condition. I am not unaware of the naughtiness of this. Do you remember in "the Devil Wears Prada" where a very thin girl says - "I am just a stomach flu away from my goal weight" She seems so happy about it too, and I can relate.

I guess in times of weakness it is good to look for the silver lining - and yet I think it does make me reflect on my desire to be thin. Really the main motivator was to be healthy, and I knew that losing weight was the way to get there. My knees hurt, my back hurt, and in all of our family pictures I am sitting or lying on the couch watching others. I felt heavy, depressed, and tired.

Altering our body does not bring about true beauty. If you don't feel beautiful now, you aren't going to feel beautiful later when you reach your goal. I needed to be reminded that my main goal was not to fit into a size 4, but to develop strength and character by identifying weaknesses and receiving help from the Lord. For months after I reached my goal weight I looked in the mirror and cringed, expecting to see my fat self. I didn't feel different, why should I expect to look different? I was under the impression that by losing weight I would be a new person - isn't that what Oprah keeps saying?

It is important for me to not associate being thin with being beautiful, Watching the General Relief Society Presidency speak a few weeks ago I saw beauty, and I am sure there were no implants, botox, fad diets and body parts being pulled, lifted, sucked out or otherwise altered. I was rolling through the channels and saw a show called "Real Housewives of Orange County" These women were the antithesis to the beautiful sisters who talked of hope, love, faith and our Savior Jesus Christ.If I look at my successes and failures as tests and trials, it is easier to be happy with the person I see in the mirror because true self worth is not built by the outside appearance but the inside character. I lost weight, but I am still the same person. If I was shallow before, no beauty treatments will ever make me deep.

Instead of dieting maybe we should say we are building character by learning self restraint, caring for our stewardship, discipline, and the miracles of prayer and receiving answers. The great side effect is that we shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures; and shall run and not be weary, walk and not faint." (D&C 89:20)

16 comments:

Abish said...

I am so sorry that you are sick! I remember that 'stomach flu' line often. This was a terrific post, as always. Thank you.

Heffalump said...

I am sick too, so I sympathize. Cough, cold, puking...I have it all. And I have lost weight, only right at this point I am not really supposed to be losing weight, so...its not a good thing.

Kimberly said...

How can you write a tear jerking post here, laughing earning comments on my blog, and be -that- sick? You're amazing!

JustRandi said...

Interesting way to think about it. I liked that last paragraph especially!

Lucy said...

Feel better. And I know what you mean. I've watched my husband drop about 20 pounds (and he had barely 20 to lose) since having Celiac and there is a part of me that wants the disease too! Sad.

Marc and Megan said...

I agree completely! Inner beauty radiates true beauty in some inexplicable way, no matter how average the physical characteristics may be. This is such a good reminder to focus energy on improving the state of the heart. Thank you!! And, get well soon!

Rebecca said...

Get better soon! Take care of yourself. I'll be praying for you!

I so identify with the stomach flu thing! That's the first thing I think of when I get the stomach flu, is losing weight.

I do admit that when I lose weight I feel more confident and better looking. In my messed-up mind I start feeling that the more weight I lose and the more 'normal' I look, the more right I have to feel confident and contribute to the world. I know that's an awful way to feel and I try to combat it, but deep down it's truly how I feel.

Camille McInelly said...

I couldn't agree with you more. I must say I have always thought you were one of those women that is beautiful on the inside and out!

mindyluwho said...

You have a talent for extracting the deepest secrets of my heart!

What a messed up world we live in to feel that to be of worth we need to be thin. For me the trick has been to stop looking in the mirror, except to fix my hair and put on my makeup. I know what my clothes look like on me, and no amount of holding in my stomach while turning around in front of the mirror is going to make them look any different today than they did yesterday!

I love the last paragraph. As I have been reading my scriptures I have been finding those hidden treasures that are changing my character and giving me strength in everything I do. I have in my minds eye the me that I want to see. She is beautiful and of great worth and and even if no one else can see her, I can!

I hope you feel better soon!

anne said...

I live in Orange County and know numerous LDS women whom have had implants, lipo, botox, etc. It has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with "fitting in".

Yvonne said...

As always, you give me so much to think about. Thank you.

Maine Mom said...

I hope you feel better soon!

I like the thought of me building character and learning discipline instead of dieting. It IS so much more than just losing pounds.

Carrot Jello said...

Nicholas says that nobody is sick anymore, so we can come over now. ;)

Yvonne said...

Gosh, I hope you are feeling better ; )

Natalie said...

I hope you get to feeling better! Great inspirational thought too!

Calamity Jane said...

Thanks everyone for the get well wishes, after we went the rounds our house seems better now.

Annie, I can see where fitting in is important, I love to have nice clothes and look nice but at the end of the day they alone will not make me any happier. I say botox, suck fat and pull your face anyway you want to if you can afford it, I can see the alure and some women do look beautiful after. We just can't mistake it for a substitute for inner beauty.