Friday, October 26, 2007
I am sick - chewed gum spit out and resting on the bottom of a shoe sick. I have a cold, slight fever and am nauseous.
The ironic thing is - I keep wanting to step on the scale and see if I lost any weight due to this unfortunate condition. I am not unaware of the naughtiness of this. Do you remember in "the Devil Wears Prada" where a very thin girl says - "I am just a stomach flu away from my goal weight" She seems so happy about it too, and I can relate.
I guess in times of weakness it is good to look for the silver lining - and yet I think it does make me reflect on my desire to be thin. Really the main motivator was to be healthy, and I knew that losing weight was the way to get there. My knees hurt, my back hurt, and in all of our family pictures I am sitting or lying on the couch watching others. I felt heavy, depressed, and tired.
Altering our body does not bring about true beauty. If you don't feel beautiful now, you aren't going to feel beautiful later when you reach your goal. I needed to be reminded that my main goal was not to fit into a size 4, but to develop strength and character by identifying weaknesses and receiving help from the Lord. For months after I reached my goal weight I looked in the mirror and cringed, expecting to see my fat self. I didn't feel different, why should I expect to look different? I was under the impression that by losing weight I would be a new person - isn't that what Oprah keeps saying?
It is important for me to not associate being thin with being beautiful, Watching the General Relief Society Presidency speak a few weeks ago I saw beauty, and I am sure there were no implants, botox, fad diets and body parts being pulled, lifted, sucked out or otherwise altered. I was rolling through the channels and saw a show called "Real Housewives of Orange County" These women were the antithesis to the beautiful sisters who talked of hope, love, faith and our Savior Jesus Christ.If I look at my successes and failures as tests and trials, it is easier to be happy with the person I see in the mirror because true self worth is not built by the outside appearance but the inside character. I lost weight, but I am still the same person. If I was shallow before, no beauty treatments will ever make me deep.
Instead of dieting maybe we should say we are building character by learning self restraint, caring for our stewardship, discipline, and the miracles of prayer and receiving answers. The great side effect is that we shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures; and shall run and not be weary, walk and not faint." (D&C 89:20)