I love to blog, it sounds so much like I feel. Blah, blah, blah, blog. I am having a hard time finding time though, it is not like I am out of control running around, I can chose the things I want to do. It is just that I am such a dang perfectionist. It takes me 2 hours from conception to post. I think, think, write, erase, write, erase, post, walk around, think about what I said, realize most of it was stupid, erase, edit, I am a mess, but even worse, my kids hate it. I am getting the looks I am used to giving. I am going to go easy for awhile, try to loosen up, be less anal, I won't care about spelling and grammar so much if it is ok with you. So here is my random fat thought of today:
This morning when my alarm went off I was so mad. I mormon sweared "#@**&#@!!!" (saying the symbols instead of the actual words). I hate alarm clocks" I wanted to kick my husband. I refrained and said instead (sarcasm dripping off of my resentful voice) - "I wish I was you" His sleepy, happy, warm, cozy innocent reply smothered a bit by fluffy soft pillows, was "I don't understand why you aren't staying in bed either" and he went back to sleep.
I grumbled out the door, I grumbled and shivered some more and in this sour Monday mood I then asked why on earth skinny people do this on purpose. I thought of Bob, the trainer on biggest loser, I thought of the skinny people who read this blog. I ask myself - "why would someone the size of my pinky waste their time when they could be in a bakery???" "Why are there so many skinnies running around in my parade - they don't have to do this - why aren't they in bed? They really should be in bed, bed is wonderful." "I know why I have to run, but if I was naturally skinny I would never never never be out here."
Then came the aha. They are skinny because they are out here. They study and read and work out because they want to stay skinny. There are so many skinny people at the gym because they got that way being there. There are no naturally skinny people, just as there are no naturally fat people. We are what we chose to do.
That remarkable revelation came when I was about half way through my run. My attitude changed. I am out here because I want to be here. I don't love to run, but I do love to zip up my jeans and not "suck it in." I just taught my son how to do a flip on the trampoline. I did flip after flip, I loved the feeling of being able to fly again. I love being healthy.
Tomorrow I will not love to hear the alarm, I will grumble and debate the reasons my subconscious has for me that day to stay in bed, but I will go, I will breathe fresh air, I will feel a sense of accomplishment, I will teach my children, I will run, because that is what I choose to do.
p.s. That post took only 38 minutes. "Every day in every way I am getting better and better..." (annoying random quote I was forced to repeat millions of times at a high school leadership camp)
20 comments:
Another quote for today, "If you and I think alike then one of us is redundant."
Glad you think differently, it's refreshing to see things in a different light.
FYI; science has traced gaining weight to a virus, about 4 viruses. Hmmm, maybe I'm sicker than I thought. Can we start working on *that* immunization. Forget Gardasil, do something with a huge impact!
Trixie, what the heck is gardasil??? Someone has been looking is her husbands medical books... I like that about you, I can now start a "race for the cure fattness 5k." Hey how is spanish going? If you are on the computer this late it looks like you need a distraction from your spanish flash cards. Come on over, it is canadian thanksgiving and we had lasagna and pumpkin pie, I forgot when I put dinner together this morning so we celebrated by being grateful that we live in a land where Italians were able to teach the North Americans the finer things of life. Now, I just need a reason to call someone a hoser and our celebrations will be complete!
I love how you changed your attitude. I need to do that more.
Another great post--even if it only took 38 minutes.
I don't get up and run--but I do walk and walk (more of a power walk thing) and aerobics, and I do it to be healthy. I feel so much better since I started.
I didn't want to hear the alarm this morning either! I think I actually dreamt that heard the alarm earlier, and had overslept so I couldn't go. I asked husband what time it was and it was the first going-off of the alarm, so my brain was trying to trick me into going back to sleep!
I got up and went to the gym this morning after taking Sunday and Monday off. Weighed myself like my husband wanted me to before I left (he's excited for me!) and I was down to my lowest low for the second time in a few days! It seems that's how it goes. Reaching down for a new weight, attaining it a couple days of the week (unless it's THAT time), then it happens more and more until that becomes the regular weight and my body starts reaching for a new low. It's aggravating, but really fun! (Weird, huh?)
I'm impressed how you changed your attitude. It takes a lot of strength (and for me, prayer!) to change a miserable attitude, but the rewards are great. Kudos to you!
Congratulations on your 38 minute post! It's just as awesome as your 2 hour ones!
BTW, yesterday you should have listened to Weird Al's "Canadian Idiot". If you haven't heard it, I'm sure it's on youtube somewhere. I love Canadians!!!!!
As one of your loyal fans I'll take a grammatically incorrect post over nothing any day! Not that I noticed any grammatical errors, I am kind of clueless that way. I read "Eats, Shoots, and Leaves" and missed half of what the author was trying to point out! Also, I don't mind if you don't post every day because of time constraints. Your family needs you much more than us in the blogosphere who hang on your every motivational filled word!
As I drove my daughter to Cemetary this morning I noticed the usual people out in "The Parade" and thought of you. Soon I will be one of them!
By the way, I forgot to mention that I feel the same way as mindyluwho. As much as I love and miss your posts, your family is much more important. That doesn't mean that I won't still check every day, just to make sure I didn't miss anything! :D
Last comment, I promise. I don't know if you've ever tried stevia, but I put a simple, fantastic smoothie recipe on my blog today using it if you're interested. I've noticed that you like good recipes!
Oh how I love your thoughts! I can so relate to it. I get up every morning and go run but have definitely felt those bitter feelings about those that don't have to and are still sleeping in their skinny beds. I've also had periods of strict dieting and wished I could be one that didn't have to. I've got a fair amount of pounds to lose and can't quite get the motivation to tackle them. I know what I need to do but I don't want to do it, I'm bitter that there's so many on the parade that can eat whatever their little hearts desire. I want to be like that.
Thanks jennifer, I just have to tell you, that If I had a good attitude to begin with I wouldn't have to change so much. *sigh*
Yvonne, I am a big fan of power walking! it is such wonderful excercise - especially when there are knees involved, I know that I have to walk when I get hurt and I am surprised at the different muscles that are sore. way to go and get out there.
Rebecca, I just left an epistle on your blog, love it by the way, congrats on your progress. I love hearing others succeed.
Mindyluwho, you are so kind and motivational. I really am working out my brain muscles by reading more Isaiah like you told me to. Excited to hear of your parade route.
Tara, I hate to break it to you, but you are one of the pinky girls I mormon swear at in the morning. Have you looked in the mirror?? You look fab. Some sundays I cant get over how muscley and cut your calves are, and how in shape you are. There I am thinking "covet covet covet" and it is distracting from the message that bishop is giving.
And suddenly... all was right with the world.
All of the sudden, Millie said everything was alright
This morning I was telling Mona your blog topic and your early morning experiences getting up and going and then loving running *after* you started running. She started laughing and said, "EXACTLY!" I believe in vicarious work for the dead, too bad it doesn't work for the lazy, I'd have you each run a mile for me ;)
Gardasil is the new cervical cancer vaccine that has barely been studied and they are foisting upon our teenage daughters (no long term studies, no guarantee it won't cause the cancer itself!). About 80% of cervical cancer is caused from a virus that is sexually transmitted. I have so many issues with it I'd have to start my own blog to rant and rave.
Once again, I feel like running.
You are seriously messing with my mind here. In a good way though.
So I appreciate the calves compliments and all but, really, I know how much you weigh. I've got quite a few pounds (my pride is keeping me from identifying exact numbers) to lose if I am to match your thinness. So if I'm a pinky, what does that make you?
I come to your blog everyday because you are so inspirational, you have great thoughts and I am just hoping that one of these days I'll finally find the determination to follow your example.
I love the fall weather...the crisp air and the leaves and the smells...however it has seriously hampered my running. It's consistently below zero here in the ams (have to get your wonderful hubby to translate celsius into farenheight for you) and I can't convince myself to run when it's below freezing. So instead I have switched to my indoor walking and dance routines - nice but not the same. I'm already looking forward to spring and being outside again. So for the long long winter months I'm going to live vicariously through you - breathe deep a couple of times for me!
thanks for the inspiration. i am currently struggling to get out and exercise in the morning. i have been managing to get up early enough to shower and read the scriptures before i move into mommy mode--now i just need to add the exercise part. i need to change my mindset--"i want to be out here. i like being a healthy person." thanks for the reminder.
Way to take charge of your mind! I've lurked here before, but for some reason, today's the day a light went on in my head. I'll be grumbling along with the rest of you in the morning...time to take action again. Thanks for your inspiration!
My treadmill is the best money I've ever spent. I love being able to run while my kiddos watch a movie. My sweetie leaves too early in the morning for me to run before he leaves.
I love this post. It's that way with almost everything, my house is always clean BECAUSE I clean it every day, we don't have to worry about money BECAUSE we have a budget...
It helps that I LOVE to run.
I need to get on the elliptical. Once I'm on, I can go for 30-40 minutes. It's the getting there every time that stinks!!
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