Monday, October 8, 2007
What I Do
I love to blog, it sounds so much like I feel. Blah, blah, blah, blog. I am having a hard time finding time though, it is not like I am out of control running around, I can chose the things I want to do. It is just that I am such a dang perfectionist. It takes me 2 hours from conception to post. I think, think, write, erase, write, erase, post, walk around, think about what I said, realize most of it was stupid, erase, edit, I am a mess, but even worse, my kids hate it. I am getting the looks I am used to giving. I am going to go easy for awhile, try to loosen up, be less anal, I won't care about spelling and grammar so much if it is ok with you. So here is my random fat thought of today:
This morning when my alarm went off I was so mad. I mormon sweared "#@**@!!!" (saying the symbols instead of the actual words). I hate alarm clocks" I wanted to kick my husband. I refrained and said instead (sarcasm dripping off of my resentful voice) - "I wish I was you" His sleepy, happy, warm, cozy innocent reply smothered a bit by fluffy soft pillows, was "I don't understand why you aren't staying in bed either" and he went back to sleep.
I grumbled out the door, I grumbled and shivered some more and in this sour Monday mood I then asked why on earth skinny people do this on purpose. I thought of Bob, the trainer on biggest loser, I thought of the skinny people who read this blog. I ask myself - "why would someone the size of my pinky waste their time when they could be in a bakery???" "Why are there so many skinnies running around in my parade - they don't have to do this - why aren't they in bed? They really should be in bed, bed is wonderful." "I know why I have to run, but if I was naturally skinny I would never never never be out here."
Then came the aha. They are skinny because they are out here. They study and read and work out because they want to stay skinny. There are so many skinny people at the gym because they got that way being there. There are no naturally skinny people, just as there are no naturally fat people. We are what we chose to do.
That remarkable revelation came when I was about half way through my run. My attitude changed. I am out here because I want to be here. I don't love to run, but I do love to zip up my jeans and not "suck it in." I just taught my son how to do a flip on the trampoline. I did flip after flip, I loved the feeling of being able to fly again. I love being healthy.
Tomorrow I will not love to hear the alarm, I will grumble and debate the reasons my subconscious has for me that day to stay in bed, but I will go, I will breathe fresh air, I will feel a sense of accomplishment, I will teach my children, I will run, because that is what I choose to do.
p.s. That post took only 38 minutes. "Every day in every way I am getting better and better..." (annoying random quote I was forced to repeat millions of times at a high school leadership camp)