Road Trip!

Our annual trip to Utah was a wonderful thing. My mom packed, while my dad brought home provisions from the “Piggly Wiggly” (our grocery store). I loved it when my dad shopped! Hostess was a favorite of his and he brought home Twinkies, ding dongs, ho ho’s , cherry pies and my favorite, the Hostess cupcake. I loved to first surgically separate the white curlicue of icing and eat, then, peel the chocolate frosting off, eat it, break the cupcake in half lick out the frosting and finish it off by jamming the cake into my mouth. Sitting in the rumble seat in our tan station wagon with the wood paneling on the side was made bearable by shoving cheetos, m&m's, pop-rocks, and cupcakes into my mouth. I had a great dad!

I looked forward to our first trip as a married couple, expecting the food in the car to be a culinary equivalent of a carnival. Mel was finished with his finals before mine and said that he would get the food for our trip and pick me up from the testing center. We would leave for Canada from there. Mel obtaining the provisions was part of the script written in my mind. I had no reason to fear.

The test was hard, I was hungry. As we headed out on I-15 north I grabbed the cooler anticipating a party. The term "Completely Horrified" does not even begin to describe my emotions as I saw my husbands idea of provisions, I found apple slices, hard boiled eggs, celery, carrot slices, and sandwiches.

Wanting to appear grateful I grabbed a sandwich and ate. I survived the trip and I learned a different way - I did decide to procure the food for every other trip after that, but a lesson was learned. I learned that just because something is a tradition does not mean it is a necessity.

I love Paul, he talks of himself saying: “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” (1 Cor 12:12)

When I was a child there was no connection in my mind between eating and health. I ate what I wanted when I wanted, and had no concern for consequences. When I became a woman I had to “put away childish things” like Paul. King Lamoni’s father said to God in a prayer “I will give away all my sins to know thee” (Alma 22:18) I had to decide If I was willing to give up all my “sins”(bad eating habits) to become healthy. Sometimes good things are found through sacrificing the bad. A decision must be made between eating everything you enjoy whenever you want and being heavy or learning to “bridle all your passions” (Alma 38:12). All the power of a huge horse can be put in control through a small bridle. He is not locked in a cage, or tied up with ropes and your appetite doesn’t have to either, merely put into control through knowledge, prayer, and some sacrifice.

Road trips with my husband taught me that there was another way to travel. I was reluctant to accept it. Learning that happiness can be found in healthy eating is still hard. Each road trip I must rewrite my menu and turn it into a healthy one. Sometimes things that are good offer a pay off later (a smaller size of pants).

Here is what we do now, maybe it could help you on your Labor Day holiday. I make a menu where I decide what and how much we will need. I try to not overbuy so that we will not be tempted to overeat. You all probably do that, but for me in the past, buying provisions meant walking through the store and picking out anything that looked yummy and fun. This past road trip our menu was:

Breakfast - A yogurt smoothie, fruit, whole wheat bagels and fat free strawberry cream cheese.
Snack - grapes and sugar snap peas
Lunch: I made sandwiches with whole wheat bread, fat free cream cheese, turkey, and cranberries, (we call them thanksgiving sandwiches) YUM! Also, baked lays and fruit snacks
Snack: Froot Loops in baggies. (A nod to my childhood)
Dinner: “Tim Hortons” sandwiches, chili and whole wheat buns – If you are ever in Canada Tim Hortons restraints are an AMAZING experience. It is a doughnut chain that serves soups and sandwiches unlike any other you can find in this world. So yes, I did have a doughnut - what, it’s Canada- don’t look at me like that. When in Rome. . .

Have a happy and safe holiday!

"Wheat For Man"

My mind is longing for the cooler days that are a calendar page away. Being a true north-westerner, I do not love the sun. It is not my friend; it makes me squint, burn, and sweat. Homes do not come with standard air conditioning here and thus my workplace is sweltering. I am scared of robbers and want my windows closed and locked at night, thus I must choose to spend my nights either worrying or sweating. I spent many days long ago worshipping this false god. I slathered on oil to baste. My sisters warned me that I would regret it and now I have an ugly scar that looks like I had a tracheotomy on the spot where my chest meets my neck where I have had two skin cancers removed. My 4 year old is fascinated with it and I tell him in my angry voice that the sun bit me. I am raising him fear the sun and stay close to me in my native land. As I nurse my sunburn that I received yesterday sitting at the beach I will give you my recipe for my favorite autumn treat.

But first, You need to start on you new quest to use whole grains. "Nevertheless, wheat for man..." (D&C 89:17). You will find that by substituting whole wheat in recipes the flavor will be nuttier and richer. Try using whole wheat in banana bread, zucchini bread, and peanut butter, molasses, and oatmeal cookies. Experiment with Applesauce cake, Banana cake and Carrot cake as well. I use the same measurements I would with white. Remember all tastes are acquired. I have learned to like carrots and tomatoes, when 20 years ago I thought of them only as a punishment. I am sure you have things you have learned to like before. Using only wheat flour might be a different taste experience, but by using it your body feels fuller and keeps you from craving naughty things. If you don’t like it then learn to, you know you expect your children to do just that.

Invest in a wheat grinder. You are supposed to be using your wheat storage anyway, so you might as well have a way to grind the stuff. Chewing on a handful of wheat kernels really gets old after the first hour. If you aren’t ready to invest, you can find ground wheat flour at any store. The fresher the flour the healthier it is, I am not sure why, so if any one knows, please post the reason. Many health food stores even carry their wheat flour in the fridge, I have been told to do the same for the flour that I have ground and am not going to use right away. I have gotten to the point where I just use white flour for play dough and chocolate chip cookies. I can’t eat either, so who cares?

Using nonfat mayonnaise for the fat in cookies may seem disgusting, but by replacing it for the oil and eggs it makes these cookies go from 3 fat grams to 0 – and from 79 calories to 53,- without the chocolate chips of course. I can’t taste a difference so I say use the mayo, and add the chocolate, and you have reached a nice compromise. Either way they are healthier than most, use whole wheat and are OH SO GOOD!

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies
¾ cup nonfat mayonnaise or ½ cup oil and 2 eggs
½ cup sugar
1 cup brown sugar
2 cups canned pumpkin
3 cups whole wheat flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon soda
1 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons cinnamon
½ teaspoon nutmeg
1 teaspoon ginger
½ cup chocolate chips (optional)
Cream mayonnaise (or oil and eggs), sugars, and pumpkin. Add dry ingredients and mix well. Stir in chocolate chips. Drop from spoon onto non-stick baking sheet. Bake at 350 for 10 to 12 minutes. Cool completly on a cooling rack. These cookies are very moist and do not store well in air tight containers, if you need to store, freeze and then eat right away.

Enjoy with a glass of milk and dream of cooler days ahead.

Perilous Times and Motivational Moments

It was early morning, and I smelt smoke in our house. I asked my husband to walk around with me to see if he could smell it too. We covered the whole house but could find no fire, and he smelt no smoke. After telling me that I had a nose like a blood hound and smelt something outside, he kissed me and went to work.

I called my neighbor Angie a bit later because the smell didn’t go away. Still dressed in her pajamas she walked around my old house. She smelled the smoke too. I called the fire department. After the call was made I frantically realized that I had invited strangers over, and my home was a toy-strewn, dishes undone, laundry out, and diaper smelling mess! “Angie, you have got to help me” I pleaded, and gratefully she knew just what I meant. We frantically ran around picking up toys, pushing clothes under their owner’s beds, and hiding dishes in the dishwasher. I wanted my home clean before it was destroyed darn it. By the time the firemen came my home was presentable. The circuit breaker in our 1930’s home was unsafe and had caused a small electrical fire.

I didn’t invite the firemen over just to see my clean house. I made the call because I “smelt danger” (I put it in quotes because I feel more like a superhero that way) Smelling danger is a good motivator to get help, but is not meant to be a motivator to clean. Cleaning my house is a good thing but I did it at the wrong time for the wrong reason; it wasn’t a great cleaning job, and it didn't stay clean for very long either.

Losing weight just to be skinny is a horrible motivator. Many of my un-successful attempts at losing weight ended with the thought, “I am never going to look like Jennifer Aniston, pass the gravy”.

When riding an airplane we are told that if the oxygen mask drops down we are to place it on our own face then on our children’s. That is because children need adults. If I thought I was being heroic by giving my son the oxygen mask first, and then I passed out, my son would be left without a mom.

By caring for our bodies, we then are able to use our bodies to care for others. This way we put our “oxygen mask” on first.

This past weekend we took the young women in our ward on an organized float trip down a river. My husband and I had our two youngest in life vests floating with us. We were bringing up the rear, hoping to help any stragglers

One of our 12 year old girls had a hard time navigating; she was on the other side of the river and couldn’t make it to where our group stopped. She tried standing up but the water was well over her head, and she was left hanging on to her tube and being swept down with the current. Being so far behind I watched this happen and felt helpless. Every other leader had their own girls they were watching and were not able to help her.

I jumped in the deep water and started my rescue attempt. She had floated so far down that I was exhausted when I caught up to her. The water was so deep that it was impossible to get her back on her tube. I had to swim pulling her tube across the river to the shallows. It took all my strength. By the time we made it, I felt muscles I didn’t know I had.

Two years earlier, I would have been stuck helplessly watching her float away. I am not a hero, she would have made it to shallow water soon enough, but she was scared and kept crying “help me!” I would have felt horrible explaining to her mom that I just couldn't do it. I felt blessed that my body was strong enough to serve in this way.

Many women say that they don’t have time to take care of themselves, and that it is too hard to find time to exercise and eat right. “Life is too busy” “my kids need me” “I don’t need to be thin more than they need a ride to scouts” “My husband would hate to eat that way”. If the motivator is to look like a movie-star, of course sacrificing for a healthy lifestyle is going to be a low priority. It would be easy to give up walking to make Susie a great lunch for school. But what if Susie needed you to be healthy? What if your coming to her class party unashamed of your weight was more important to her than her lunch? What if your son would rather ride to scouts with the neighbors if it meant that you would be able to go down the slide with him at the park?

If you went for your morning walk and Susie learned to make her own lunch the world wouldn't end. What if you explained to your family that you will be a better mom if you can just have that hour? What if you comforted them with carrots? Children adapt better than we give them credit for.

I have tried to motivate myself just for the sole reason of looking thin – it failed. When I changed my motivation and decided that I would get healthy for myself and my family I was able to walk farther and eat healthier every day. If today you just do a small thing like bake with wheat flour instead of white, or put the baby in a stroller during Oprah and refreshments, you are on the path to being a healthier, stronger woman and a better mother. We know obesity can kill, but it can also exclude us from our families lives. We can't live hiding from cameras and undocumented from our photo albums forever. Our kids need moms at their parties, with their friends, at the park, and on rides. Our husbands are tired of a closet torn apart while we spend hours trying to find something to hide our bellies. Obesity excludes us from so much of life. The sacrifice we make of time to get fit will come back to reward our families in the end.

The fat girls club

In September 2001 I kissed my husband goodbye. He was leaving on a business trip to Paris. It was an exciting time, not only was my husband able to go somewhere wonderful, we had a secret. We were finally pregnant! For some reason it had been harder that time, and we were thrilled when the ept test came back with two lines instead of one.

On September 11 my husband was flying home when the World Trade Center was attacked. His plane was over the ocean at the time, and his flight diverted to Gander Newfoundland. I didn’t hear from him for the whole day. To make things worse, I was cramping and had started spotting. I had no idea where he was or what was going on, I was scared.

The spotting and cramping continued and I was sure a miscarriage was imminent. The pain worsened however and the bleeding stopped. After 5 days Mel returned home. By that time the pain was so severe that we went straight to my OB. An ultrasound was taken and we found that I had an eptopic pregnancy. Surgery was necessary and I was taken to the hospital.

When I awoke, no longer pregnant I felt pure grief. A couple weeks later I wrote:

“The loss of this pregnancy has really affected me. More than I thought possible. I find watching others with babies makes me sad. I am surprised. I don’t understand the reason for my grief.
Thinking that I still can have other children later on brings very little solace, no real comfort for the pain I have.
I don’t understand why I grieve over one I do not know. I keep telling myself to get over it. My spirit won’t listen to my mind. Today Marlen came and said, “I’m sorry’ to me and gave me a hug.
It made me cry – I’m sorry too. It hurts much more than I thought it would.”

That experience made me part of a “club”. I get it now. I don’t tell mothers who miscarried “Oh well, this is natures way of culling out the bad." or try to lessen her grief by telling her stories of someone who had it worse. It helps nothing. I have learned a bit better to “mourn with those who mourn” (Mosiah 18:9)

Another club I am in is the fat girls club. We fat girls like to be with others who are fat. We are funny; we laugh at each others embarrassments. We comfort each other. We share our peanut M&M’s. We buy our friends Symphony bars when they have a hard day. We get it. We band together. Membership is an identity.

When I get a present others don’t, I feel guilty. When I first lost weight I felt apologetic. I wanted to say really loud, “Hi, I am sorry I look thin, but really, I am a fat girl inside, can I still be in the club?” “Can I still laugh with you at the funny things skinnies say (like I would rather sleep than eat), and will you not be offended if I give the Symphony bar to my son?” Who wants to be exclusive friends with the skinnies? They don’t hear the siren call of the ice cream at two in the morning, I have heard one skinny say that sometimes she just “forgets to eat” Who does that? They don't quite get what you are going through. You want to keep your old friends. You fear you are abandoning them, pretentiously trying to move from their table to the "popular" table in the lunchroom. Remember the recent study that said people who have fat friends are three times more likely to be obese? I think its because part of being in the club is that you give each other permission to sin. “Well, If you have a chili dog, there is no way I am going to eat a salad!” You laugh and say, “well there goes my diet today, pass the pizza!”

We have to change the membership requirements for our fat girls club. Let’s be formerly fat girls who get it, and would like to sell her soul for a pastry, yet is showing restraint. You could never forget to eat. Fatties at heart, skinnies in looks. It isn’t so scary if you give your friends more credit. Will they really be sad if you order the salad? Maybe you could invite them to do the same. Maybe they would like it if you brought baked Lays instead of full fat Cheetos to the party. Ask them to slap your hand away from pizza, the way they do for diabetics grabbing handfuls of candy. Get their support and changing will be easier.

At baptism we make a covenant that we are “willing to bear one anothers burdens that they may be light; Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort…”(Mosiah 18:8-9) I love the sisterhood of support that we have. I have been comforted, lifted up and encouraged by my friends. I am grateful for them. I have not changed my heart size or my humor size because I changed my pant size. I didn't lose my friends. I am sure that you won’t either. Go ahead, you have permission to change, and you can still be in “the club”

Calamity Jane is "Free to Choose"

In my marriage prep class I was taught about labels becoming self fulfilling prophecies. The professor taught that we sometimes make a blanket statement based on little information, and that it will come true to us in our eyes. The example was. . .”My husband ALWAYS leaves his socks on the floor”. Every time we then see the socks lying next to the bed we feel almost validated. “I told you that he does that” (said in a voice of smug satisfaction), a close look at reality would show that he probably got the socks into the basket SOMETIMES.

Let’s look at labels, self imposed or other wise. When I was a little girl in first grade, I carried a tray of food high over my head. I tripped and as I fell, I managed to save the tray. My family thought that was funny and gave me the nick-name “Calamity Jane”. After I was so christened, if I tripped or stumbled (as any growing girl who is too small for her growing body) I would hear “Calamity Jane”. I kind of liked the distinction, and thought the name was great (especially after I saw the Doris Day movie). The problem was I was not trying things because I thought of myself as clumsy. Who decided that? Why did I have to make the label true?

Who decided you were a fat girl? What if we all decided to look at ourselves with honesty? I could say “I am a skinny girl who only knew one way of coping with some really tough things. I thought food would fix it. I now am acquiring knowledge and am learning to acquire peace and comfort differently."

We break out of our ruts with knowledge. Look at what I have learned: I have learned to check pockets for crayons before putting jeans in the wash. I have learned that the smell in the bathroom is found behind the toilet on the floor. I know what “ring of fire” refers to in childbirth, and I have learned to ask for an epidural upon arrival at the hospital.

We could go on and on listing the lessons learned, and the behaviors we have changed because we learned a better way. We can learn to be healthy, why then do we expect that because we are fat, we will always be fat? Do you really ALWAYS overeat? Do you really ALWAYS hate to exercise? Surely there are positive behaviors we can focus on instead of making our label true. Why did I give up my agency to a self-imposed label? If you have changed other behaviors before by using knowledge, you certainly can re-learn to eat, or re-learn to find exercise enjoyable. So here's what you do, subscribe to fittness magazines, check out books in the library, even buy the magazines that have something about weight loss in it. Apply the things that might work for you, and jettison the bad. Use common sense and the word of wisdom. Remember "All grain is ordained for the use of man..., to be the staff of life"(D&C 89:14) that pretty much destroys the Atkins thing doesn't it? You just try something new each day, and you are on your way.

We learn in plan of salvation 101 that life is a time to learn and gain experiences: “Seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith.” (D&C 88:118)

Decide who you want to be and begin today to be it. “I want to be healthy instead of fat.” “I am going to acquire knowledge on health and nutrition and apply what I learned today.” You get to choose what your label will be. I am no longer Calamity Jane because I am clumsy. I am Calamity Jane because I am a tough woman who can shoot straight.

“Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose. . .”(2 Nephi 2:27)

Whistle While You Work

My dad was known as the “whistling dentist” His office was filled with music from the 40’s and 50’s. It was fun working there. People often commented on how happy and carefree he was, but I learned the secret as his employee. He whistled when he was stressed, and when things got hard, the deadlines impossible and people were grumpy. It seemed to make him happy.

This morning I went on my run as usual. I felt discouraged, no motivation, my hamstrings seemed too tight, and it was dark and I was tired. I mused about my dad, and wondered if I could apply the same practice. Knowing it would be difficult to whistle and run at the same time I thought about dancing. Running is just dancing in a straight line, right? I juiced up my ipod to its highest setting and started to sing with Shiana. “I feel like a woman.” Because it was dark, I used the cloak of anonymity to play the air guitar. The run became fun and another mile disappeared.

When I was in Canada I decided to try an idea that I read about in Runners World. When you get to the peak of exhaustion instead of stopping to walk, run at a full pace as far as you can. I was at the crest of a hill, just passing a dairy farm and could see the turn around point. I ran as fast as I could. It was amazing. I felt like I was flying. Like a little 3rd grader grinning as she chased her friends. I was wonderwoman. It was joy!

This morning remembering my fast run I decided to do it again. I flew from the stop sign to the turn around spot. It felt like I was young again. Don’t get me wrong, I had to stop and walk after, and my lungs seemed headed for certain collapse, but for a moment my 39 year old body became young, and I flew. I grinned as I pushed past the previous endurance line. I had no limits, knew no bounds. After recovering I went back to my usual trot and smiled at what I had just accomplished.

My challenge to you this morning is to fly, to dance, to sing. Find the joy. Be a 16 year old with a brush for a microphone. If we truly believe Nephi and believe that men are that they might have joy, then we had better learn to find that joy through difficult things. Please understand the finding process is a verb. For us real people excercise does not come automatically with a smile to paste on our faces. Find means to be creative and discover what can make you happy. Dance on your elliptical, sing through your sit-ups, go your hardest, do your best, find the joy!

Or in other words, “Whistle while you work”.

"My Soul Hungered"

Somehow I got a rash on my shins. It is nearly invisible to the eye, but not to the nerve endings that are constantly irritated. This morning at 4:00 I woke up to the sound of my scratching. I can scratch and scratch but once I stop scratching, the itch remains, the relief is gone.

I think a lot about emotions. The ups and downs rule and govern how I eat, if I sleep, If I sing and dance, or mope and cry.

When I started this blog I wanted to discuss something purely emotional, something I had no words for. It is a phenomena to me. Something that I do that must be put into words to understand. I think I might be getting close.

There are times that I have found myself looking at a half eaten bowl of ice cream and I know I am not hungry and yet I continue eating. The next bite is already in line waiting for its turn to be shoveled in. My mouth can be full, and I can have no more hunger but my hand waits obediently to put more food in. I think “I don’t even know why I am eating this” and yet I continue.

As a girl I remember watching my dad coming home after work, or meetings at the church, and almost bracing himself at the table. One arm steadying him, the other feeding him. There seemed to be a trance-like state that he went into as he satiated his hunger. He was a very hard working man. Sometimes after finishing his food he would take the thing he was eating and kind of throw it from him with a look of disgust. I have done the same thing. I have left a table full physically and yet I am still hungry.

When I invited the spirit to help me lose weight, things changed. I felt certain promptings. Once while I was getting some chocolate pudding, the thought came to my head, “will that pudding fix what hurts?” “Once it is gone will the problems be gone too?” “Exactly how much pudding will it take to solve this problem?”

I found a scripture that put those promptings to words: 2Ne 27:3 “. . .it shall be unto them, even as unto a hungry man which dreameth, and behold he eateth but he awaketh and his soul is empty; or like unto a thirsty man which dreameth, and behold he drinketh but he awaketh and behold he is faint, and his soul hath appetite;. . .”

I have learned that my over eating has been like the scratching of my rash. My rash itches, I scratch, and while I am scratching I find relief, but if I stop the itch is back. I am left with two obvious solutions: I can either continue to eternally scratch until the skin is red and bloody, or I can go get help, and find the reason for the itch and then fix the problem so I will have no more need to scratch. While I am eating, I am temporally lulled into comfort and I find some relief, but when I stop, the comfort stops as well. Comfort has to be found with something that truly feeds and fills the viod, not food, but peace. Trying to fix that which is broken spiritually with temporal things will not work.

I have learned that it is impossible to feed my soul with that which perisheth. Look up “hunger” in the topical guide, This is not a new problem. Enos solved his souls hunger through prayer. Alma teaches the poor to “feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst”(Alma 32:42) Jesus tells the Nephites “He that eateth this bread eateth of my body to his soul; and he that drinketh of this wine drinketh of my blood to his soul; and his soul shall never hunger nor thirst, but shall be filled” (3Nephi 20:8)

The solution comes through prayer and communication with our Father. Even more important than exercise and menu planning is the need to have your souls hunger satiated, which can only be done through Christ. No amount of chocolate pudding can take His place.

I have had miracles happen in my life. I found a wonderful therapist through LDS social services. I was led to someone who helped me find what I was trying to fix with food. As I let go some of the old patterns and learned to replace them with healthy ones I was able to finally satiate that hunger. The fix may be different for each one of us, but will be taylored to meet your needs through the quiet promptings of the Holy Ghost. I am so grateful for Christ in my life. I can say like Nephi “My God hath been my support he hath led me through mine afflictions. . .He hath filled me with his love . . . “(2 Nephi 4:20,21)

The Cake and Mike, David, Joseph and Amulek

I love cake. Not fancy homemade ones, but the store bought ones with eerie blue icing made of Crisco. One particularly long day at work many years ago I got a craving bigger than my will. I drove to the Albertsons bakery and picked up a cake and looked at it, it was a perfect birthday cake but it was not my birthday. I felt unseen eyes watching me, I knew that the bakery girls were whispering “I bet she has no friends, and that she is going to eat it herself”. It was true, yet I wanted to share that secret with no one. With angry eyes I handed the cake to the baker and asked her to write “Happy Birthday Mike”. That would show her! I felt smug with my pretend friend, Of course this Mike was handsome, rich and successful, and more than those silly girls could ever hope for. I, the adoring girlfriend was going to celebrate this very special day in his arms. I was sure that those judgmental girls were instantly jealous, and as I left the bakery with a plastic fork I felt giddy in my charade. The eating wasn’t as fun as the acquiring.

As you know this past week we were on holiday. Mel and I made a menu and shopped in advance. The food for our trip was carefully planned and was going to all be healthy choices to go with our new lifestyle. Of course there were two spontaneous purchases, Hershey’s Kissables, and Mother’s pink and white frosted circus cookies, the kind with the sprinkles. I said that they were for the kids, but those treats were really intended for “Mike”

Most of the trip I resisted temptation. I passed out the cookies and candy. They weren’t all eaten and so I put them away for later. Later came after a few days and found me in the car alone tired and hungry. I was on my way to Taber for some 2X16 joist hangers (this was a working vacation). The siren call of the treats woke me up. I smiled.

With the two bags on my lap I started in on my celebration. There was an internal battle however. (If you haven’t already figured out, I talk to myself.) “What would you tell your blog friends to do?” “Right, pray - I’m supposed to pray right now and that is supposed to make me not want to eat this?” I said a feeble prayer, felt nothing, and then ate the candy and cookies. Maybe the spirit helped me to not inhale as fast as I could have, but I was not delivered.

Troubled at what I had done I wondered what it was that I am trying to say to you all. “Prayer didn’t work for me – but I think you should try it.”? After much more prayer and reflection I figured it out. My fall didn't have anything to do with lack of faith I fell because I did not avoid danger.

Think David. Seeing Bath-sheba and calling for her was putting himself in danger. If he could have jumped off his roof and went for a nice cool walk his life would have continued and his exaltation made sure. By calling for Bath-sheba he put himself in grave danger. He put himself in a situation where he could not succeed.

Now think Joseph. In Genesis 39:12 it says “And she (Potiphar’s wife) caught him by his garment, saying, Lie with me: and he left his garment in her hand, and fled, and got him out.”

Amulek is fighting with Zeezrom and says: “Oh thou child of hell, why tempt ye me? Knowest thou that the righteous yieldeth to no such temptations?”

Could we liken that? I should have not invited my favorite candies and cookies on my trip. I should have said to hersheys in the store, “Oh thou candy from hell, why tempt ye me? Knowest thou that the skinny yieldeth to no such temptations?” And then like Joseph, I should have “got me out”

When I returned from Taber with the joist hangars and a large bag of guilt I brought in with me the rest of the cookies and candy and put them in bowls and shared them with the kids. I couldn’t keep them around any longer for “Mike”, we broke up.

You have to remove the temptations from your life so you don’t get into situations where even prayer cannot deliver you. The junk food that you buy for the kids and can’t leave alone, don’t buy anymore. The kids’ probably will be better off anyway. I have flushed chocolate down the toilet in the morning when I was strong, to protect myself from the afternoon when I am weak. The garbage can isn’t even safe when I get to foraging.

Is it time for you to break up with your “Mike”? It isn’t a healthy relationship. Get his junk food out of your house and kick him to the curb.

Mexican Lasagna

I am on holiday in Canada and have no internet at my MIL's so I will be on vacation for a week. Until then, cook this:

Mexican Lasagna
This is made healthier by cutting back the meat and putting in more beans. It is great served with fat free sour cream and salsa and shredded lettuce. OLE!

1 pound extra-lean ground beef
1 clove minced garlic
1 onion diced
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
1 10 oz can enchilada sauce
1 8 oz can tomato sauce
2 15 oz cans chili beans
1 17 oz can corn, undrained
1 small can chopped olives
8 -10 corn tortillas, torn into large peices
1/2 cup finely shredded cheese

Brown ground beef, garlic and onion. Drain off fat. Season with salt and pepper. Add sauces, beans, corn, and olives. Place 1 cup meat sauce in the bottom of a large casserole. Add a layer of corn tortillas. Repeat layers until meat sauce and tortillas are used, ending with meat sauce. Cover and bake in a 350 oven for 30 minutes. Sprinkle with cheese and let stand 10 minutes before serving.

I hope you like it, and don't forget to come back to me monday Aug 20th!

The case against strech pants

There is a certain joy in anonymity. Walking into a grocery store in another city brings a freedom that is alluring. Yes I can go without makeup. Is there a large zit lighting up the left region of my face? Who cares? I don’t know a soul. Children lying on floor screaming? You can step over them, pretend they are not yours and no one would know otherwise. No, I do not have to control my children. Yes I can put the extra-large package of toilet paper right next to the frozen burritos and chocolate bars on top of the cart. No need to be discreet, no need to be self-conscious. I can even mutter unkind things to the person with 14 items in the twelve items or less and not worry that he could be my former Bishop.

Thighs feel the same way. As smoke grows to fill a room so does your thigh grow to fill your pants. A size tag on my bottom offers a monitor and a warning for better behavior. While anonymity in a grocery store is freeing – anonymity, as in not knowing what size you are, is dangerous.

Everyone has a favorite pair of fat pants. They are usually comfortably stretchy and in black (the color that minimizes). There is no other size on the tag besides XXL or better yet “one size fits all”. You think they are your best friend but they deceive. I have been known to cut off the size tag of particularly offending apparel just to improve my self esteem. I worry that there could be size police that look inside my clothing and mock me while I am not looking. But the denial of my size is in the big picture going to keep me from changing it.

I have talked before of the danger of denial. Denial is not your friend. I will once again quote the good doctor and say: “you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.”

Know your size. Know what your first goal is and when you want to reach it. Did you know that every 10 lbs lost means you shrink a dress size? Are you a 26? Shout it to the world. “I am a 26 and I am not going to take it anymore!” Tell the world “In 2 months time I will be a 24, and in another 2 months I will be a 22, and in another 2 months as a size 20 I will take my 26 pants and use them for a tent to shelter and keep my svelte body warm and dry!“

Police your size. A size is like a ruler. If it seems to be getting a bit harder to breathe in your size 18’s then don’t jump up a size, use the pain to remind you that seconds are out of the question just now, and use them to give you the ability to say: “NO, I do NOT want a doggie bag- I would like to avoid looking like a St. Bernard. “

Time to liken because that is what I like to do: Let’s think repentance. If you do not acknowledge that what you are doing is wrong then you will not be able to get to the actual changing part. Knowledge is power. Knowing our size is like repentance in that we have to understand that what we are doing is taking us in the opposite direction of where we want to go. My mission president told us that every evening we needed to repent, that that was what the gospel is - the gospel of repentance. I felt insulted at first. Could he think that I could sin every day???? Well turns out I can , did, and do. I will never grow if I don't practice repentance. It is such a wonderful way to feel close to Heavenly Father. Not admitting that we are doing things wrong will make it so we can't learn how to do things right. That goes for both sin and the way we care for our bodies.

The last thing that I have to say before I pack for our “holiday” (Canadian word for vacation) is – Always jump into your new size and then burn the bridges that lead back to fat land. As I dropped the weight I found a certain doubt and fear would haunt me. I kept the clothes that were 2 or three sizes too large in a garbage bag in the garage. I kept thinking that it represented a bunch of money and what if I got fat again?

Think every faith analogy that you learned in primary. Think of the fear and faith not being able to co-exist thing. I don’t have time to write all of the lessons but you have taught them a million times. Now teach yourself. It is scary to give up doubt. When you save the clothes that you shrunk out of it means that you don’t believe in your partnership with God. Burning those bridges means a commitment to change. It means that you are ready to be a new person. It means learning a whole new way to walk (anyone else thinking of the sesame street song?). You are going to have to do the likening but I am sure you can tell where I am going. My husband poo-pooed the fear and drove the fat clothes to the D.I. He said that I was being silly and that I wasn’t going to be fat again. I felt scared and excited that he believed that I could do it. This is the new me.

I still have night terrors that include me ballooning like Violet in Wonka Land but, I am building new friendships and I hope that you will all police me. “Thee lift me and I’ll lift thee and together we’ll ascend”

Small Steps

I wanted to be like Diana. She was a beautiful R.M.. She came into our fireside like sunshine. She had a big grin and her eyes were sparkly, and when she opened her worn scriptures it was apparent she knew her way through. When she bore her testimony, I could tell she meant what she said.

Looking at Diana that day I decided on a new destiny. She had direction, confidence, and sparkle, R.M.’s were amazing! I wanted to be like her. After much prayer, doubt, and worry, my decision was made. My papers sent in, the call came – Ogden Utah.

A little bit sensitive on the whole Utah thing, I packed my bags. I thought of the glory, and the person I was going to become. Even if I wasn’t going to get a parasite, I could still strengthen my testimony. Its Utah – piece of cake.

Shocking to many, Utah missionaries are not just subject to odd combinations of jello, but also to the normal rejection, despair, companion problems and disappointment that all missionaries experience. On one particularly hard night I thought about my naiveté in making my decision. In my rush to become an “R.M”, (returned missionary) I hadn’t calculated in all the work required in the “M.” I found that the “M” part included lots of tears, prayer and hard work. I learned quickly you don’t get the reward without the work. To be a R.M., you really have to do the whole mission thing. The knowledge of scriptures comes from Study; the testimony comes through trials and faith. This is how Heavenly Father works. You can’t get the prize without running the race.

Changing eating and excercising is work.

I have always admired runners. I jealousy watched them trot by me as I walked thinking that they looked so strong. I wanted to be a runner, but was not sure I wanted to run. This morning as I was breathing hard, panting, sweating, and running I thought: “When does this get enjoyable? When does the fun part start? I have been running now for 10 months. I still do not feel the payoff until 1:00. I guess I am a runner. I run. However If I could find a way to be one without running I would be happy - but it’s not going to happen.

My neighbor just ran the Boston marathon. I like to ask him for running advice. We live on a very steep hill that I walk up before I start my run. When I told him my route he asked why I didn’t run the hill. He told me how he did it. He started with a really fast walk and turned it into a very slow jog. He told me the different marks he used to get him up the hill. Getting ready for youth trek I decided to try running a small part of the hill.

I found that if I do not look at the top of the hill but at my feet the run gets easier (not easy, just easier). If I concentrate on taking small steps and not quitting I can go farther each time. I stare at my feet, and concentrate first on getting to the stop signs. Once there, I just think about getting to the first cul-de-sac, then the second one, then I concentrate on not losing my left lung before I get to the fire hydrant. With my remaining lung I figure out if I can make it to the light post and then I am almost at the top. Last week I made it to the fire hydrant.

Eating is similar. You don’t have to really worry about doing everything right all at once. Just complete one meal successfully. When trying to eat less I ask for help in my prayers then throughout the day I think something like this:

“I can go without seconds at breakfast. I am not two people. I have to hurry anyway. I will put an apple in my purse for 10:00. That is only 2 hours away. This apple should be fine. I just fasted, I can go 24 hours with out food, and surely I can wait until 12:00 to eat lunch.” Or I say, “20 more minutes, I can go and run an errand before I eat that.” “3 hours between snack and dinner. I go that long without food at church. I just have to make it 3 hours. No big deal.” Then, “I can make my one serving dinner last 20 minutes. I can do any thing for 20 minutes, surely just this once I can eat slowly. I don’t have to worry about every day, just today.” When I am done eating for the day I think. “My stomach is comfortable. Great! No need to panic, I will eat again, this is not Ethiopia. I can plan a yummy breakfast.” “ 3 hours till bed. I can do anything for 3 hours. I know I can, 3 hours is nothing. In fact why don’t I have a nice cup of peppermint tea?”

Then I go to sleep with a prayer of thanks that Heavenly Father helped me. Next I ask Father to help me have the desire and the ability to do it all over again tomorrow.

Think Bill Murray in What About Bob? “Baby steps to the elevator. Baby steps to the elevator” Nothing has to be done all at once. Just focus on this day. Tomorrow will take care of itself. You can make it - just take small steps.

“Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass. . .”(Alma 37:6)

I am a returned missionary. I did it. It was what I wanted. I am not Diana, but I am grateful for her example of what I could learn. I don’t know what being a runner is supposed to feel like, but I run, so I guess I made it. I can go most of my days eating healthy, so I guess I am now a healthy eater. Each day I continue to be those things by making small choices, and taking small steps. I only lost weight one or two pounds a week, but in the end it still made 70, and I reached my goal.

The sweet spot

Writing about my past weight loss may make you think that I have everything under control, that temptation is no longer a problem, and that I am home free. In the old discussions – no, not the flannel board ones, there is a principle that we taught that was called: Endure to the end. Enduring is a very visual word. I see long distance runners on the last quarter mile, or a red faced mother wringing wet laundry from a broken washer. Enduring means work. It also means vigilance. Once you get to the destination you cannot lie down and quit. The quest to be healthy doesn’t end until you lay your body down.

This was quite a week. I fell off of the wagon. Our schedule left me feeling harried and out of control. It started out small, A bit of chocolate to take the edge off(bit meaning largest size chocolate bar in the store). A messy house and children in an uproar led me to peanut butter jelly time, and . . . “oh are e ohs” (they who must not be named). The very next day, there was a new challenge. Family came and along with them, jujubes, chocolate raisins, and peanut m&m’s. I ate yummy breakfasts, lunches and had dinner at a favorite restaurant. I made treats for everyone, (some for you, more for me.) Saturday, Family Reunion day I resolved temperance, but our trip to Costco before-hand was too much for me. Not having time to prepare, I fell for a vat of Greek rotisserie chicken pasta salad complete with red olives, artichoke hearts, and parmesan cheese. The whole thing came with two forks, artfully disguising that it was enough to feed Ethiopia.

It only gets worse. Our Swedish reunion always includes a smorgasbord. I won’t bore you with the lurid details. Just conjure up the old version of Charlottes web and imagine me as Penelton the rat with the large belly singing “A fair is a veritable smorgasbord, smorgasbord”. I kept wondering how I could eat this much and still post another blog on Monday. I didn’t want to be a hypocrite

Once while tracting with a stake missionary we came to a door of a sour older man. “I would never go to your church. There are too many hypocrites!”
The stake missionary replied: “Don’t worry; we always have room for one more.”

This past weekend I sinned. I did feel like a bit of a hypocrite. The old me would have given up. My thought pattern in the past would be this: Guessing I gained 10 pounds I would think, “sell the farm, I did it again, I will never change, I just can’t do it, why try?” I would dejectedly give up and console myself with food, the good comforting stuff, white, fluffy, creamy, gooey and cheesy.

That is why I love my scale. I have become very attached to this teller of no lies. She has loved me at my heaviest, and chronicled each loss and gain. My bathroom scale has a sweet spot. If I stand on it with my left foot slightly forward, and my weight shifted to my right heel, I can at least lose a pound. You laugh nervous laughter. You know your scale’s sweet spot too don’t you?

I am sure that my love for an inanimate item is a bit obsessive, and probably not recommended, but I know what happens if I don’t weigh myself. I don’t like the results. A scale puts things into proper perspective. When I fear I will not like what I will see, I choose to think the worse and give up. Getting on my scale gives me truth. The reality after that feast of a weekend was 2 lbs. No big deal. I didn’t sin irreparably. I can shift the eating around a bit and fix that in a week. I can post a blog and still feel guilt-free.

After all what is a hypocrite? Aren’t we all trying our best? Sometimes we mess up. That’s not hypocritical, that is simply a mistake. We can change. We aren’t poured into a concrete mold that forces us to stay the same.

I have sinned many times. Not just with eating. I have had to repent many times for the same sin. The gospel teaches us that we can repent as often as we do wrong and we will be forgiven as long as it takes for us to learn to change. Satan tells us lies. Thoughts like, “you are who you are” or “you have gone too far now, might as well do more, you can’t change,” are old and have been used since the beginning.


When we can’t just eat one Lay’s potato chip and find ourselves with salty greasy fingers and an empty bag, all is not lost. You don’t have to then open your fridge and gorge until bursting. Everything is repairable. As the song goes: “pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again!”

Blender Pancakes

1 1/4 cups water (you can use skim milk)

1 cup whole wheat

1 egg

2 T oil

1 T sugar

1/4 - 1/2 teaspoon salt

1 T fresh baking powder

In blender, mix water and wheat on high for 3 minutes. Add egg, oil, sugar and salt. Blend for 20 seconds. Add baking powder. Pulse three times, just enough to mix. Mixture should foam up and get very light. Cook immediately on a nonstick griddle.

Makes 16 - 2"pancakes

"Now when our hearts were depressed". . .

Being fat is depressing. I found a journal entry dated 11-11-02, it says:

Too fat, too tired, nothing fits.
My pants, like a tourniquet
Feel binding

Binding life, pregnancy,
Nine months, doctors scales
So tired, so fat.

Yet joy, in the end like a
Light in the
Tunnel

Can a fat girl find happiness
In the clutch of a tiny hand?

If nothing fits can a mother
Be successful when raising
Her children?
or am I a failure
Because of lack of will power?

Can joy be found as a size 16?
I think not
So sad.

I am not here to talk about fat peoples rights; I am not going to discuss self esteem at any size. I believe both are important but I want to discuss despair.

Do you remember in the Book Of Mormon where Ammon summarizes his mission? He is so joyful about what they had been part of that his brother Aaron is worried that he is becoming boastful. Ammon answers saying:

“Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land. . .”(Alma 26:12)

I have used a gospel based approach to losing weight. I believe that God cares about everything that matters to me. I also believe that I am weak, and that God can make me strong. King Benjamin tells us that “Ye cannot say that ye are even as much as the dust of the earth;” (Mosiah 2:25) As a young missionary I felt horrible that anyone would want me to believe that. What about positive affirmations? As my mission continued though, and I was continually humbled I learned that being the dust of the earth is a good position, and if we let the Lord use us, teach us and mold us He can help us be better than we had even planned. Even the great hills and mountains started as the dust of the earth. If we can realize that we are weak then we are in a position to be strengthened. I tried losing weight over and over again in my own strength and failed.

Even the most faithful instruments in the Lords hands become depressed, My mind is always brought to Joseph Smiths plea from Liberty jail “Oh God, where art thou?” (D&C 121:1) He goes on questioning the unfair situation he is in. If Joseph Smith despaired, why should we wonder at our own despair in our every day life? The reasons each of us gain weight are different, but each of us have our own.

In the river of life, I was definitely navigating the rapids. After the birth of my fifth baby, my wonderful husband who was so much to so many, became ill. We found that he was experiencing a serious medical depression. Depression, like diabetes must be acknowledged and treated. It can be a result of genetics or circumstances which can affect the chemistry in the brain. The effect is devastating on not only the sufferer but the family as well. I started a journal titled “A diary of pain: the life of depression and the toll it takes on his wife.” I felt alone in handling the large family we had amassed. I wanted to grab my husband by the shoulders and shout “Engage! Engage!” It was a very tough year.
One journal entry I wrote said:

“Its Sunday morning, 9:00 a.m. I am physically and emotionally exhausted. My foot hurts as a result of a broken bone. My kids are playing; my husband has gone to meetings. Somehow I need to convince five children to get into church clothes. The majority of who would rather do dishes than get dressed - they hate dishes.
Hardest of all I have to find something to fit on this odd-sized post-baby body. I have to style a mop of hair and try to hide impossibly dark circles under my eyes.
Somehow I have to convince myself that the payoff will be worth it. How? Sacrament will be a wrestling match full of dirty threatening looks at misbehaving kids. Sunday school full of guilt at what I haven’t read. Relief Society full of guilt over what I have not accomplished.
Oh what a hard day. I am trying to find solace the only way I know, chocolate and journaling.”

My eating had gotten out of control. I had become someone I didn’t want to be and felt powerless. Another journal entry:

“HELP! I am now finishing the candy bar from last night. I sent my family out and was hoping that I could get dinner made and my house clean. Instead I eat and write, write and eat. I feel a need for another parent, someone to help. Mel is still so sad. “

I have discovered that there is a spiritual component tied to weight loss. My weight gain was a result of despair and trials,

Ammon said: “Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: . . .bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success.”

He did. And that is why I say constantly: “Include the Lord on this journey” I truly have watched as the Lord has carried me. He heard my pleas. He taught me and instructed me, and led me to others that helped me. I am less than the dust of the earth, but my joy is great. God is amazing. My Husband is well, my home is happy, and I feel healthy. I have been able to find my mmmmmm and it is in the Lord. He lives, loves us and is a perfect father. Discouragement is normal and can make us strong as we turn it into humility and then to prayer.

“Yea, and my joy is carried away, even unto boasting in my God; for he has all power, all wisdom, and all understanding;” (Alma 26:35)

Captain Moroni and Eating Healthy

As a mom I can usually predict what my children will forget. My oldest son will always forget his lunch on the kitchen counter. My second son will always forget he has additional homework until bedtime. My daughter will always lose her Sunday shoes; I can go on and on making predictions about what I know about my children. I am usually right. In order to help them succeed, I place Coltons lunch in his backpack. I ask Zac if I can see his homework assignment after school, and I tell Alida “DO NOT TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES UNTIL YOU GET TO YOUR CLOSET”

I know where I am weak. If I am hungry I am unable to eat healthy. A starving stomach is not rational. Healthy eating requires preparation. If I do not have a plan before hand and food at the ready, I will not succeed in weight loss, and healthy living. Just like sitting out your work out clothes the night before I have to plan what I will eat before hunger decides for me. Moroni teaches that I have to provide strength to my weakest spots. I am weak when I am running errands, serving after school snacks (we usually share) and eating seconds.

This is my plan:

In the morning I make a menu for the day. I decide before hand what I can prepare that day to feed me and my family. I make sure I know what I need to pick up and that I will have time to prepare. I have made dinner many times at 8:00 in the morning when I know that my afternoon will be impossible.

I have a huge breakfast of Bob’s Red Mill hot cereal, fruit, & milk. If I am hungry after that I will have wheat toast and freezer jam. If I am in a rush I grab a banana and 3 slices of homemade wheat bread and take it with me. Reading the scriptures while eating helps me stretch the meal out past the 20 minute mark. Make sure you are nice and comfortably full. Do not leave the house unfortified! You are setting yourself up for failure.

I make everyone’s lunches in the morning. I even make the two pre –schoolers and my lunch as well. I bag it, and set it on the counter or take it with us. I usually run errands, and if they go too late I will be tempted to stop and buy McDonalds or Taco Bell. I make myself a lunch of a whole grain bread sandwich, fruit, peas and carrots and a treat like one of those Hershey chocolate 100 calorie sticks, or a snack size big hunk, or 3 musketeers. As long as I have a little chocolate about 2:00 I can get through the day.

In my purse I have a bag of raw almonds and raisins ready to help me defeat the popcorn at Target. I also carry water, and for a treat I will carry flavored water, or diet pop, that helps me defeat starbucks frapachinos (I live in the Northwest – they are everywhere.)

In my van I carry slim-fast snack bars and meal replacement bars. That is backup, which protects me from candy bars and starvation in the afterschool driving thing, or when I am crazy busy and didn’t get to eat breakfast. This is important. You have to have back up. I also buy Costco size Extra bubble gum. I place some in my purse, some in my van and some in my drawers in the kitchen. If you chew gum while you cook, you won’t be tempted to taste. I always make sure I have gum in my mouth during my greatest temptations, cookie dough or yellow cake batter.

Dinner is always spent together sitting down. I find if I plate the food before it gets to the table it is easier to resist seconds. I have never asked for seconds at a restaurant. I will prepare veggies different ways and serve more of that than the main course. I use brown rice, homemade whole wheat bread, wheat pasta, and fresh fruit. My goal is to get good and full within 20 minutes which will get me through the night.

There are zillions of recipies for healthy food everywhere. Be creative. Instead of white tortillias in enchiladas, use corn tortillias. White pasta, use wheat, cheerios, use cracked wheat or oatmeal. Use the thing with the most power in it.

Remember Pac Man? The little dots fed the guy, but the big colored blobs gave him super energy. You want super energy! You want to be full of grains, fruit and veggies so that you can resist the worthless foods. They are not your friends.

In the evening I drink hot chocolate, peppermint tea or chamomile tea. I always stop eating by 7:00 then it is just water or nothing baby.

For the things that come up that always include treats like book club, young womens, or R.S. I prepare in advance and have a smaller dinner, or smaller snack. Then I take the treat, (don’t be afraid to offend by asking for small) and enjoy, and stay away from the table after that. When treats are left out they are dangerous. You have no way of monitoring yourself. Pretend they are kryptonite. Stay on the other side of the room. If the temptation is too much and you don’t feel very strong, don’t be afraid to leave before the refreshments come out.

Don’t drink calories. Eating is so much more fun. Stay away from regular pop, juices and consider milk as a serving of dairy. It has calories too so be careful to not be unlimited.

Here is a plug for “retiring to thy bed early” (D&C 88:124) I am in bed by 9:30 and asleep by 10:00. It is easier to avoid late night snacking while asleep. It is easier to get up early and exercise too. DVR’s make it possible to save any show that you want to watch, and going to bed early will protect you from so much temptation and I feel so much better when I get my 8 hours. You can do anything for 2 weeks, give it a try and see if I am right. Remember “an ounce a morning beats a pound of afternoon.

In the comments section write out some of your ideas. Things that help you fortify your weak spots. This can be useful to others that read this blog.

“And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?
Awake my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.” (2 Nephi 4:27-28)

You can learn a lot from a chick

The food was delicious, and I was ready to grab seconds during dinner, but the thought came to my mind (remember I had prayed for guidance)
“Are you two people?”
“No”, I thought back.
“Do you want to look like two people?”
“Um, no. . .”
“Then why would you eat two peoples food?”
“Uh, habit?”

If you go to the Spencer Kimball tower at BYU you can take an elevator to the very top floors (I think you need a key). Here they keep the chicks. I know that because I have held those chicks in my hands. These are not the co-ed kind but the kind that eat feed, peep and live in little cages. For one of my classes we were offered extra credit if we would help the graduate students train the chicks using operant conditioning. This is the use of consequences (in this case feed) to modify behavior (teach them to peck a button). One teacher told how he conditioned a girlfriend to come and clean his kitchen. (Beware of psych majors)

I know that each one of us is given free agency; I also know sometimes trained habits take away that free agency. Let’s say you want to teach me to not over-eat. First you need to figure out what the reward has been. Of course, food tastes good! I love food! Food takes me to a happy place. While I place chunky monkey ice cream in my mouth, I am completely focused on the mmmmmm. In order to go to that happy place I have conditioned myself to use food to put me there.

Second, and here is the tough part; in order to modify your eating you have to find a different reward to get the mmmmmmm (or live without the mmmmm, but who wants that?)

Surely in those days long ago when you were thin you had things that kept you busy that you enjoyed, ways you got the chunky monkey out of life. Learning, dating, dancing, driving, swimming, flirting. What was it that kept you from eating so much on your dates? Didn’t we all have better manners then? We ate slower, dressed better, flirted more and never grabbed something from the serving bowl with our fingers.

Back in the thin years I had a million ways to get the mmmmmm. When I got fat I only had food. I had a million reasons I couldn’t keep up my hobbies, most of them were my children. So I had to pick new ones.

I eat when I watch TV, I took up embroidery. It is impossible to eat and sew at the same time. I eat with the kids when they get home from school, I found the joy of bubble gum and placed it in all my kitchen drawers. I eat when I get tired. I go to bed. Find mmmmm’s not m&ms. Find things that payoff and make it impossible to eat. Can you eat French fries while on the back of a bike? Can you eat seconds while you are busy cleaning up? (Clean up immediately after finishing your plate of food – it is a bit easier to resist food that is in the garbage can).

Remember you conditioned yourself to get the habit started; you can condition yourself out of it.

If this works for you, don’t thank me, thank a chicken.