A Christmas Gift of Absolution.

I am beginning to think I am giving the wrong impression. Some feel guilt after reading my blog and feel I have some sort of super human faith, that I am a skinny girl who just prays and "poof" am delivered from temptation. One person told me she won't comment here because she feels too guilty and has no idea what to say. I think that this person misunderstands me.

I have been watched, but not consistently. If you really watched me you would know just how hard losing weight is and that sometimes keeping it off seems impossible. You would see how discouraged and overwhelmed I get. I blog of the things that work for me. I don't write the things I do that do not work, I figure everyone has figured that out for themselves.

Every day is hard. I am paddling the same boat as everyone else who loves sleep, food, and who is too busy to cut veggies every night. I haven't made bread in a week and today I made sugar cookies and ate 4 for lunch because I was mad at my husband. My knee hurts from running and my lungs hurt from a 3 week old cold so I have only been out twice this week. I feel like I walk a very thin line and that if left with out my little tricks I would daily bathe in butter, swim in chocolate, dive into eclairs and frequent places with drive through windows wearing sweats with no intention of sweating.

This month marks one year that I have stayed at the same weight plus or minus 5. I am truly astounded. It is a miracle. 90% of people who lose weight gain it back and that terrifies me. I held on to my fat clothes for months thinking I would fill them up soon enough, but the lessons have stuck. I have learned some tricks that make this road to health a bit easier.

Just think of me as a tutor. I can teach you some of the new rules of this foreign tongue. Though not fluent I speak it as much as I can, and with practice I plan on getting better each day. I absolve you of all guilt you may feel falling off the wagon if you will get right back on and cheer me on with you. I do not want to discourage anyone, I truly believe if I, who completly lacks any kind of will power can do this, so can you. Merry Christmas.

Ignorance is Blubber

Elder Oaks taught me that in life we are faced with many choices. This morning I re-listened to his talk and found myself wondering about eating choices, some make me fat, some make me thin. Here is one of my strageties I give to you as a Christmas gift - (especially when cookies are delivered to your door daily.)

Good - Do not eat the offending food. This is a great option, however when doing this I find the food item continually on my mind and the desire to eat more of other things to make up for the food I just heroically gave up. By the end of the day I have eaten more calories and fat than the original temptation. In frustration I just eat the earlier scorned food because what can one more bad thing hurt?

Better - Have a small amount of the offending food. This works but can backfire as well. Sometimes I open a flood gate that cannot be shut. For example cake batter, especially yellow cake batter. A small taste is o.k., but the desire to pour into my body the entire contents of the bowl sometimes is too great and I find myself eating spoonfuls of the yellow gold.

Best - Learn about the offending food. If I read ingredients and nutritional content I am better able to resist unhealthy food. When I was a little girl my sisters and I were told grocery store cake frosting was made up of only Crisco and sugar. So simple, Trixie made us a batch! My dad walked in to the room to find us hovering over a bowl of the delicious white stuff. He asked us what we were eating and on discovery he quickly took the bowl and emptied the contents into the trash. We received quite the lecture on health.

That talk stuck into my brain and I find that when I picture a tub of Crisco and the similar look my white pasty thighs take on when faced with a cake I am better able to resist. I can do that with so many food items. I read the nutritional info at Burger King before ordering and found that my favorite burger - the Whopper has 39 grams of fat. With that information I can easily run away in horror. Fries have no allure to me, imagining how I would feel when bathed in grease leads to a picture of my body parts bathed in oil as well. Not wanting either I can order the apple sauce instead.

Lets say I think about cake batter, read the nutritional information, think about what that much sugar does to my joints (ache) and imagine raw eggs coursing through my body (I am not Rocky after all). By the time I think it all through the cake is in the oven and I am safe for awhile. Next thing to work on is the frosting. Wouldn't a nice dusting of powdered sugar be better? How about fat free pudding and a bit of cool whip? Do I really need a stick of butter to swim through my arteries? Can I feel a stroke coming on? You get the picture.

Education is the best. Learning of the foods you eat and don't eat really can help. Ignorance is not bliss, Ignorance is blubber.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Straight No Chaser - 12 Days

Merry Christmas

A large truck and a hole

Yesterday my four year old son asked my husband to cut a large hole through his door. When we asked why, he told us that he needed an enlarged opening to get the large truck Santa was bringing him into his bedroom, "so could you please do that?"

Somewhere growing up I lost that simple easy faith my son exhibited. Finding out that every prayer does not get answered with the answer I want, or that every goal set does not get met after a declaration of intent makes me afraid to start.

That fear was evident in my previous attempts at weight loss. I had no desire to fail in front of others. Even when my weight loss became evident to people I felt embarrassed for them to notice, just in case I gained it all back.

I love Moroni. "Wherefore, there must be faith; and if there must be faith there must also be hope; and if there must be hope there must be charity." (Moroni 10:20)

Have faith that Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers. Have hope that you can do that which others have done and have charity for yourself, don't focus on failures but on the success you have received listening to the spirits promptings.

I have the same chance at success as I do at failure. Believing in success gets me farther than listening to my fears. When I bought clothes that fit my new body and got rid of my larger clothes I burned bridges I hope never to cross again.

I love my four year old and what he teaches me. Now I have to convince him that he really doesn't want a large truck but something more affordable. After all, having faith in Santa doesn't get you as far as faith in God does.

"son of a bishop"

I once knew an old ornery man who called himself a "son of a bishop". Everytime he said that I cracked up. The daring-do of getting close to the fire without jumping in fascinates me. One of my favoirte songs while still a young lady went like this:

"There was a miss who went to piiiiick some flowers,
she stepped in grass, up to her aaaaaaaankles fair.
She saw a bird let out a turrrrrrrkey feather,
she had a start, and let a farrrrrrrmer take her home.

Well todays recipie is similar. We get close to danger but at the last minute come up with a heroic change for the good. Christmas goes hand in hand with cookies. I love cookies (of course), and yet do not want to jump into the full fat fire. Here is a great Molasses cookie that is soft, chewey and has only 3 grams of fat per serving (sorry, I don't know what the serving is, I hope not just one). Using half whole wheat flour ups the complex carbs which are the good carbs. They are a great alternative to my favorite the lovely spritz that uses full butter or other favorites that use Crisco.

Molasses Crinkles:

1/2 cup oil
3/4 cup brown sugar
1 egg
1/4 cup molasses
1 cup unbleached white flour
1 cup whole wheat flour
1/4 tsp salt
2 tsp soda
1 tsp cinnamon
1 teaspoon ginger
1/2 teaspoon cloves
Sugar

Mix oil, sugar, egg, and molasses until fluffy. Add remaining ingredients. Mix well. Chill dough. Shape into walnut-size balls. Dip tops in sugar. Place sugar-side up, 3 inches apart on a nonstick baking sheet.
Sprinkle the top of each cookie with 3 drops of water to get a crackled effect. Bake in a 350 degree oven 10 to 12 minutes, just until set but not hard. Makes 48 cookies.

Gratitude

Watching this past biggest loser got me to thinking...(please no snide remarks - I do think fairly often) Watching their accomplishments I think about mine and try to remember being 70 pounds heavier. I look at my 50 pound 4 year old, lift him up and carry him while groaning under the extra weight. It is hard to believe that I carried more than that on my tummy. No wonder I had sore feet.

While heavy I carried a journal entry around with me in my head which started "...I never meant to wake up at 35 with bad hair, obese and tired, it just sort of happened." I sometimes stood in front of the mirror and wondered at the rolls and folds of my skin, still unable to do anything about it. It was a hard time for me, I only had chocolate, casseroles and dessert to soothe and comfort me. I was looking for peace in a pie.

I received a life changing blessing and decided to listen to promptings of the spirit that directed me how to take care of my body, and to have faith in Christ believing I can "counsel with the lord in all thy doings" I told you about my first prompting from the spirit that I decided to follow: - "Are you two people? Do you want to look like two people? Why do you eat two peoples food? I made a decision to just eat one serving of dinner, one bowl of cereal for breakfast, two small healthy snacks between meals, and even if the sandwich was very good I would eat it slow and not get another.

I know that heavy I would still have been redeemed through the grace of Christ, that heavy I had great worth, but my neighbor is dying of breast cancer. She is fighting to hold on until Christmas is over. Talking to her right after she was told she had just a month I watched as she teared up at the thought of leaving them. I am so grateful for each moment I have with my family. If losing 70 pounds gave me a few more years with them then it was worth it, If it gives my children a happier mom and a healthier life then I am glad I did the hard work that year represented. I am grateful for the promptings that got me there.

My husband is a genius and my computer is resurrected. I love that guy. I am finding out that my love is fickle. I love lots of things. Next to my house there is a grocery store called Top Foods. I love that place. Can we say free child care? Genius.

Saturday night my husband and I went grocery shopping. First past the deli, olive bar and fancy cheeses. I said "Oh Mel, I love Boursin, especially the garlic kind spread on crackers? Delicious. Oh and how about a nice slice of dill Havarti on a thick crusted chewy bread? I love that!" We progressed to produce, "I love fresh asparagus lightly steamed with lemon pepper and butter" Next the bakery: "Wasn't that pumpernickel bread with the Irish butter amazing?" "I can't believe they sell those holiday tortes out in the open, I love those." We went past the bulk candy aisle - "Jordan Almonds? In Christmas colors? Amazing. Red and Green Malt balls? Pure genius. I love those."

It took me awhile until I saw a pattern. I love food. Food is an amazing gift from God. I am pretty sure that when I die and I find out we can't eat in the spirit world I will be devastated and haunt Top Foods. Eating is a favorite past time. When I see a baby I think is adorable I say "I could just eat you up!" Freud would have a holiday in my head.

So, another thing I love is Bob Greene. I am ashamed to admit it because I don't want to be just another Oprah zombie, but he said - (I summarize) Unless you stick to a perfect diet you have to exercise to lose or maintain weight. Short but powerful.

I don't want to stick to a perfect diet. My husband summarized my early morning work outs this way: "Oh I see, you work out to up your food intake". I love to eat more than I love to exercise, but I am willing to do the work for that which I love.

I can't wait until I love to get up in the morning to work out - that will probably never happen, I will never eat so that I get to work out, but vice-versa we have a good symbiotic relationship. Last night I laid out my shoes, my clothes, my ipod got juiced up and at 5:15 a.m. I put on a hat and gloves and hit the street.

Reflections on a Virus

My computer caught a virus. Monday night we had a crash - even turning it on was impossible. My husband tried every trick he knew, safe mode, hitting lots of buttons at various times, even loudly lamenting. Nothing worked

I made an analogy to my computer crash, this may be a stretch but play along. You know how over eaters on the Oprah show or The Biggest Loser all say that they had lost control over their eating that they felt like a slave to food? Couldn't that be just like a virus? We are helpless to stop it once it makes it through to us.

Everything I know about virus I learned in first grade. "Germs cause viruses, stay away from germs, wash your hands, cough into your sleeve, get plenty of rest, drink liquids etc."

Everything I know about fat loss I learned from the school of hard knocks. Viruses spread because we catch germs and bring them into our body. Hips spread for the same reasons. Too much food and not enough exercise causes fat. Keep bad food out of your kitchen and car. Wash your habits and change them for new ones. Warn friends and family that you are eating healthy and ask them to please encourage and not sabotage. Get plenty or rest 7-8 hours a night (fatigue makes me eat to stay awake and my defenses are down.) Drink fluids, having yummy drinks for treats makes you be able to reward without the terrible consequences of peanut m&ms. I keep gum in my kitchen to chew when I am making something I can't keep out of. When I watch t.v. and eat I become out of control, I am no longer consciously aware of how much I shovel in to my mouth. And the food wins. I need a no eating while watching rule.

Our computer has a firewall that filters out 99% of viruses and is on guard constantly. Our computer crashed anyway. Be careful, create a firewall against fatty food, keep bad food out of your house even if it is quicker and easier and "just for the kids - wink wink" If then one temptation does get through your firewall the damage will not be as bad as it could be.

This morning I caught a virus. My husband bought peanut m&ms. I should have sent them all to work with him, but I saved some "for the kids" I caught myself in them this morning (after all I am a child at heart) I can't over react. If I caught a flu virus I would never say "well I blew it. I might as well expose myself to Ebola and Scarlett fever" I would do all necessary to get better. The m&m virus will not get better if I throw oreos at it. I have to get rid of the germs, I have to make a plan, make a menu, eat better, not give up. Get back on the straight and narrow and then follow it.

My posts will be a bit sparse until my computer is fixed, so good luck one and all. Stay healthy, be hopeful and eat well!

The day after the Marathon

My sister-in-law Megan posted this and then talked of her marathon experience. I love the idea that people can push themselves beyond what they find they are capable.

The fact of the matter is a work out is just that - work. No one in their right mind sweats and smiles at the same time. When someone tells me they don't work out because they hate to exercise I think, "What's your point? What does hating it have to do with doing it? Do you think hating gives you special permission to get out of jail free? NO!!

As a mother we would never use that excuse "I am sorry baby, I hate changing diapers", or "I am sorry family I hate to feed you". We do things we don't like every day and we do them for the pay off that comes later, i.e. lack of diaper rash and a call from CPS, or having malnourished children.

Add exercise to your must do list and not just a stroll. Sweat, breathe hard, make yourself uncomfortable. The reality check is that I hate to exercise too, but I love being able to not pull a shirt out of the rolls on my back.

I quote the Young Women's General Presidency once again..."We can do hard things" So ladies if you will excuse me, I have a work-out to get to, anyone care to join me?